If you've ever been texting with someone new and it seems to be going well (the conversation is flowing, there's mutual interest on both sides), having them suddenly taper off or go silent can be frustrating AF. It can also be hella confusing. You're left wondering, "What happened? Did they just suddenly lose interest? Was it something I said? Were they abducted by aliens?" OK, it probably wasn't that last one, but as frustrating as it can be to have your text conversation fizzle out quickly early on, dating experts tell Elite Daily it’s not uncommon. So, at the very least, you know you’re not in it alone. Still, it can be helpful to understand why this happens, if only so you can see it coming or even avoid the texting fade out in the future.
Here's what the experts say about text conversations drying up in the early stages of dating — and what, in some cases, you can do to prevent it from happening next time.
They’re Talking To Multiple People.
If you're texting with someone you met through a dating app, Julie Spira, online dating expert and author of Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships says it’s likely they're chatting with multiple people at the same time. In that case, the fizzle might have resulted from their divided attention. “An app like Tinder reports 1.6 billion swipes every day. This means your latest crush on a dating app is chatting with multiple people, and early on they could focus on one person, or just be overwhelmed and let a few conversations slide,” she tells Elite Daily. “It’s hard to keep that level of conversation going with multiple people. If someone isn’t feeling it as much, their response time will increase, until you get to the point that you could get ghosted, or your digital love connection will fade away.”
While this can be discouraging, Spira counsels to not let this modern dating issue get you down. “Don’t let it get to you. There are so many singles who’d like to chat, meet, and find a meaningful relationship. Find someone who’d like to be in it for the long haul,” she says.
The Chemistry Isn’t Quite Right.
Texting can be a great way to start getting to know someone. Sometimes, the more you chat, the more you realize there's a great vibe between you. But not always. As Trina Leckie, breakup coach and host of the Breakup BOOST podcast tells Elite Daily, a text conversation fizzling out might be a sign that the chemistry between you isn’t quite right. “Attraction may die down,” explains Leckie. “People [can also] realize they have less in common as time goes on.”
Eric Resnick, an online dating coach, agrees that a lack of chemistry is usually the cause for texting conversations to fade out. “It could be that the initial pull you felt toward each other wasn't anything more than a passing attraction with no real chemistry,” he tells Elite Daily. Resnick adds, however, that it's important not to let this experience make you try to be someone you're not when texting. “Don't worry about being cool and just try to be you. That will lead to much more genuine text conversations that lead somewhere, not ones that peter out because you don't know how to outdo the last message you sent,” he says.
Over-Texting Can Be Detrimental To The "Vibe".
When you first start texting with someone you’re attracted to, it can be easy to get caught up in the experience, and this, in turn, can lead to over-texting. Resnick warns this is another common cause for texting to fizzle out. “Early relationships can breed some over-exuberant behaviors. I've seen new couples where one person is so into the other that they'll send three to five texts before even getting one back. This is a good way to push the other person away,” he warns. “If you are doing this, stop. If you send a text and don't get a response in an hour or two, that's fine. You don't need to follow-up. In theory, the person you are dating has a life of their own,” Resnick explains.
It’s Just The Normal Slowdown In Texting Frequency.
Not all causes of text conversations slowing down are reasons to panic. A decrease in texting frequency may simply be a sign that your relationship has entered a new phase, explains Leckie. “It's common to want to text non-stop when you first meet in the ‘butterfly stages,’ but naturally it will slow down as time goes on. This doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad thing," she says. "It’s just a natural progression of a relationship and should only really be a cause for concern if it gets to the point where you are barely texting or feeling ignored.” That is to say, if all other signs in the relationship appear to be positive, it’s OK to just take a breath and not sweat fewer or less frequent texts.
How To Prevent The Fizzle In The Future.
“Sometimes the text fizzle is just part of the natural cycle of things,” says Resnick. But that shouldn't prevent you from doing something if you sense the conversation is dying out prematurely. If you think that’s the case, Resnick’s advice is fairly straightforward: “Don't try so hard. Sometimes forcing it can kill it faster. So, relax. Don't feel like you've got to send X amount of texts in a day. They don't all have to be witty comments or hilarious memes. If you don't give it too much power in your life, you can relax and use texting for what it's meant to be: just a quick way to pass a periodic communication,” he says.
If you've been talking longer and feel like your connection is meaningful, Spira says it’s worth mentioning how you're feeling. “Let the person know that you enjoy getting daily texts from them and that hearing from them puts a smile on your face. If they feel the same way too, they won’t let the conversation fade,” she explains.
The best approach, says Leckie, is to not sweat it too much and let nature take its course. “If two people really like each other and are a good fit, they will just automatically text more, have more to talk about, and make more of an effort. So then it really doesn’t have to be something that is thought about or worried about,” she says. “It's important for people to make a concerted effort to touch base. It’s especially nice to reach out in the mornings and before you go to bed, if nothing else. You don’t want to start going a day or more without sending a text, because then not only will the texting be fizzling out, the relationship as a whole will as well,” she concludes.
In other words, conversation fizzle sometimes. It doesn’t mean there's anything wrong with you, it's just a sign that this person wasn’t the right one. Just keep being yourself, stay relaxed, and when it’s right, it’s right — with no fizzle in sight.
Eric Resnick, an online dating coach
Julie Spira, online dating expert and author of Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships
Trina Leckie, breakup coach and host of the Breakup BOOST podcast