What Does Texting Look Like In Unhealthy Relationships? Experts Say It’s Complicated

Every relationship is different — that's a fact. But in just about every relationship, couples text each other. There's just no avoiding it in today's world, even though everyone has different expectations for what texting should be like in a relationship. Some people like to constantly text their partner, while others prefer to keep the mystery alive and only text once a day. (Or once a week, even!) Really, there's nothing wrong with however you want to text your partner, unless it starts to feel unhealthy. So, what does texting look like in unhealthy relationships? Well, according to experts, it's complicated.

Now, if your relationship is still somewhat new, then your texting style probably isn't what it will be in a few months. Still, it's important to take notice of what your partner expects of you, texting-wise, so you have an idea of what's "normal" in your relationship.

"In the beginning of a relationship, it’s normal for texting to occur frequently," relationship coach Clarissa Silva tells Elite Daily. "But that momentum is not sustainable and it can be an indicator of codependence rather than actual interest." If you and your partner have been together for awhile, and one of you is still expecting the other to constantly text, it might not be a good sign.

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Your texting style will change the longer you're together, especially once you're out of the honeymoon phase. So how can you tell what normal, or at least healthy, texting habits are in a relationship? How can you tell if a relationship is unhealthy just by looking at the texting style?

"To determine health, it’s not the frequency, but the need for the texts," Silva explains. "When the person continues to over-text, it creates a false sense of security that isn't based on real-life contact for that person. It could be that they enjoy the emotional side of the relationship, but are not ready for the physical. An easy remedy to this is to have a face-to-face conversation and read your text messages out loud to each other then compare how both of you heard and reacted to what you said in your texts." Your texts shouldn't be something that you wouldn't say to each other in real life, Silva says, as that might be a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

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Additionally, it's also important to keep in mind that just because you and your partner text a lot, that doesn't mean your relationship is unhealthy. "Everyone likes a different level of texting in a relationship," dating coach Erica Ettin tells Elite Daily. "Some couples only text the necessities — plans, dinner, etc. — while others love a 'check-in' every few hours. Neither is implicitly healthy or unhealthy. As long as each person in the couple has an understanding of communication style and agrees to that, then they are on the right path."

Make sure that both you and your partner are comfortable with how you text, and you'll be on your way to a happy, healthy relationship. Everyone deserves a healthy relationship, and everyone deserves to communicate in a way that makes them happy and comfortable. So consider taking a look at how you and your partner text each other, because it could be saying a lot more about you and your relationship than you think.

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