Hello, everybody, you need to stop what you're doing right. now. and listen up. Disney has released the new cast of the Lion King. And it is literally a dream cast. I could not have come up with a better cast if I tried. I'm not the only one who's excited: tweets about the Lion King cast tell a story of unhinged excitement.
The cast is as follows:
Mufasa, our heart, our compass, our basso profundo dulcet-toned leader? James Earl Jones. No, I'm not glitching, he's playing Mufasa again, because who the hell else would play the king and then the king's advice-giving cloud-spirit?
Simba, our hesitant, soft-hearted future king? Donald Glover. Donald. Freaking. Glover. Genius of Atlanta and Community fame who flexes his musical skills as Childish Gambino.
Scar, the smooth-talking evil uncle villain? Chiwetel Ejiofor, from 12 Years A Slave and, duh, Love, Actually. Swoon, thus carrying on Jeremy Iron's torch. You know, the torch of Scar's inappropriate attractiveness. (Inappropriate for more reasons than one, but I digress.)
And, oh, okay, I can't hold back anymore.
Nala, Simba's best friend and future queen, is played by none other than Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter.
I'll say it again: Beyoncé.
After months of rumors, Disney has delivered and then some. Freaking Beyoncé. Can you imagine her singing, "Can You Feel The Love Tonight?" BECAUSE I SURE CAN.
Oh my god, this is the best news a person could ask for. This is very decidedly un-2017.
Disney announced the whole cast on Twitter on Nov. 1, and they are not messing around.
I mean, I cannot imagine anyone other than Billy Eichner playing Timon in the updated version. Imagine the full-throated yelling from Billy On The Street and the panic attacks and need to control on Parks and Rec. It's the perfect storm that will lead to a narcissistic, uptight outcast with a heart of gold. And Seth Rogen's stoner laugh for Pumbaa? Yes. John Oliver as Zazu? Yes, yes, yes. Alfre Woodard's soothing voice for the ever-wise Sarabi? Yes, and yes, and one more yes.
I mean, this is pretty much perfect casting.
*whispers* And don't forget Beyoncé...
I am not, you may be surprised, the only one freaking out.
In fact, Twitter is losing their sh*t.
Yeah, maybe another remake in a world full of half-assed attempts at cashing in on nostalgia isn't great.
OR MAYBE IT IS.
Baby me would freak out. I never get sick of this movie.
And yeah, I need it. Sure there's already a movie and a sequel and a TV show and a Sega game and a Broadway show — all of which I partook in at some point or another. But I NEED IT.
Beyoncé. Beyoncé, Beyoncé, Beyoncé.
The R&B goddess is all anyone can talk about, because duh.
I mean, what else is there?
Some love for other cast members, since, while not Beyoncé, they are very, very talented.
Anti-joke alternative comedian Eric Andre got some love, which is totally deserved, even if he is apparently taking The Eric Andre Show away from me.
@WritersofColour even gave the new cast a shout.
This is a huge deal, as the original Lion King cast was painfully white, and Disney has historically had a problem with diverse casting and racist themes. So this cast is a huge win in many ways.
And despite the fact that this announcement was made today, in the year of our lord 2017, clearly 2019 is better.
There will be inappropriate behavior. But out of love and excitement, obviously.
Even the cast is excited to work on the project, which, duh.
Okay, now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go wait in the dark for 2019.