To Move On After Your First Fight With Your Significant Other, Remember These 3 Things
Conflict is a natural part of any relationship. The good news is that, as long as you are both treating each other respectfully, it's a sign that you're both invested in your relationship enough to work through potential problems that arise. Moving on after your first fight with your significant other can be complex because it shows that you are two different people with sometimes conflicting needs and expectations. The first argument or conflict can also be intimidating because you might be afraid of losing each other or not fully recovering from the clash. But regardless of how tough it might be, working through conflict together is an essential part of a strong bond. Keep in mind that fighting doesn't mean the relationship is doomed; in fact, conflict is an opportunity to problem-solve together to create a relationship that's even happier and healthier for both of you.
The first time you approach an argument can be shrouded in a cloud of nervousness because you haven't really done this before. Just know that being able to get through an argument with a partner and come out on the other side feeling seen and heard is a really important aspect of a relationship. It also shows that you're both willing to be vulnerable about what you need, and that's pretty important, too. It actually proves a heck of a lot about your partnership.
You're developing the road map of your partnership.
According to Vienna Pharaon, a licensed marriage and family therapist in New York City, early arguments in a relationship are about establishing boundaries and communicating the expectations you have for each other. "This is the time when they're figuring each other out, and it's also the time when they're the least confident in asking their partners for clarity, articulating boundaries, and feeling secure that making requests won't scare the other one off," she says.
Consider that, as long as things were handled with respect and empathy, you and your partner are "building" a relationship together that is much like a proverbial house. You are bound to have some differences in opinion or expectation, and it's natural for feelings to be involved, as well. After your first fight, consider the way that you were able to solve the conflict and the care that you showed each other throughout the process.
It means that the relationship is something you both are willing to work at.
An argument with a partner can actually be a good thing sometimes, Meredith Shirey, couples therapist and founder of her own private counseling practice, told Elite Daily. According to her, conflict is a sign that not only are the partners invested in the relationship, but they also feel comfortable enough to bring up an issue to their partner. If something is bothering you about your relationship, and you don't feel comfortable discussing it, that could be worse than fighting.
"If there's a point of contention, if something is bothering you, how likely are you to let your partner know that that's an issue for you?" she said. "If you say not very likely, why is that? Do an internal check: Is it because I’m fearful of my partner's response or I’m afraid they're going to be defensive or invalidate me in some way?" If that's the case, according to Shirey, the connection might need some more discussion on the expectations and needs you have has a partner in the relationship.
You're ready to connect on a deeper level.
"As you’re getting to know your partner, you’re going to be more flexible and accommodating," says Shirey. She explains that it's not until you've been together for enough time to start to understand each other that conflict might arise. And in the event of hurt feelings or disagreements, it's important that you talk them through. It's super important to talk these things through because if you're with the right person, they will likely prove themselves to be caring and diplomatic in the event of a disagreement.
If not, you can collect information and evaluate whether you two are a good match for each other. Sometimes it can seem like once you commit to each other the hard part is over, but in reality, there's a lot of work that comes with building a relationship with someone. It's awesome that you took the bravery and vulnerability to address the conflict in the first place. A caring, giving partner will likely be grateful for the chance to communicate, too.