Actively dating these days can almost feel like a sport. There are so many dating apps, so many people, and dates can be really hit or miss. When a date feels like a miss for you, it can be really tough to explain why you don’t want to see someone again in a compassionate way. After all, you don't want to seem condescending, and you don't want to hurt your date's feelings, but you definitely don't want to ghost them either. Like most dating-related topics, it's confusing, but it's important to do what's best for you.
Of course, a lot of this depends on how long you've been seeing this person, and how serious you two are. If you've only gone on one date and you know that you don't want to see them again, it's a completely different situation than if you've been dating for several months. No matter what, "You have to remember that in today’s casual dating world, you need to be prepared to be rejected and also be able to reject people with kindness," Stef Safran, matchmaking and dating expert tells Elite Daily.
Rejection sort of comes with the territory when you're dating, but that doesn't make it any easier. However, according to experts, a general rule of thumb if you don't want to see someone again is to let them know as kindly as possible.
However, figuring out what to say to someone you're no longer interested in can be difficult, so Safran offers some practical (and relatable) advice. "If you realize after a few dates that you are not interested, it’s better to call or text that 'It was nice to meet them but you don’t think it’s a long-term fit,'" she says. "Think of how The Bachelor has to let women go when he’s not interested in getting to know someone further." It's a good tip, and important to remember that even the most eligible bachelor in America still takes the time to tell the women he sends home that it isn't going to work out, and why.
Specifically, it's important to let the person know why you don't think you should continue seeing each other. "You should let the person know what you enjoyed about meeting them," Julie Spira, online dating expert, tells Elite Daily. Talk about "how you liked the conversation, or how you enjoyed something unique that you experienced together, but that you don’t think you have enough [in] common to go the distance, and hope they find someone special," she says. "Always wish them the best."
No matter what you choose to do or say, experts agree that you should never ghost someone. "When you disappear and ignore someone’s texts, it’s really rude," Spira says. "Ghosting is rude and immature," Sarah Watson, licensed professional counselor and sex therapist, adds. "If you have gone out once, send a text sharing what your experience was during the date and be clear about the fact that you won't being seeing them again," Watson tells Elite Daily. "People appreciate honesty and not wasting their time."
Figuring out what to say when you call things off with someone can be trying. But honesty, kindness, and maturity go a long way, and are typically appreciated. So, do what you have to do, but still try and be respectful. At the end of the day, you shouldn't waste your time with someone who you aren't truly connecting with, and letting them know how you're feeling is super important.