The Hawk Love Triangle In Tompkins Square Park Is The Most Extra Thing I've Heard All Day
There are plenty of high profile love triangles we've all heard of. There was the one with Jude Law, Sienna Miller, and their nanny. There was the one with Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston, and Angelina Jolie. And of course, there was Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky, and Hillary Clinton. Love triangles happen all of the time between us humans, but apparently, they aren't unique to our species alone. In fact, there are reportedly some hawks out there with some pretty sordid love affairs. For example, this hawk love triangle in NYC is taking Twitter by storm after being featured in the New York Post.
OK, now let me give you the lowdown. The main character of this story is a male hawk named Christo, who resides in New York City's Tompkins Square Park. Christo is either an absolute scoundrel or a total player, depending on your perception of the story. I, personally, would have to go with absolute scoundrel. Why, you ask? Well, Christo has been in a long-term relationship with a red-tailed hawk named Dora. Then, three months ago, his bae had to leave for wing surgery. While a nice, loyal boyfriend would patiently wait for your return, Christo started shacking up with another hawk named Nora, according to the New York Post. People also like to simply refer to her as "Not Dora."
As if things couldn't get any worse, Christo was actually spotted boinking his mistress, Nora, the day Dora arrived! I mean, look at those two horn-dogs go!
As you can imagine, this caused some drama upon Dora's arrival.
Do you see the expression on her cute little hawk face? Our girl Dora does not look pleased.
I know what we're all wondering here: WHOM DID CHRISTO CHOOSE? Or, in my ideal perfect world fantasy, did Nora and Dora team up and band against him John Tucker-style? Unfortunately, the latter did not happen, and Christo is just being a total cliche dude. How so? Well, you know, he's just trying to have his cake and eat it too by dating both of them.
A report by The Cut claims that people have seen him helping Dora build her new nest, even though he's still boinking Nora. SMH.
While I have totally written him off as a douche, not everyone is on the same page as I am. Some of his more devoted fans actually believe he will be able to pull off dating both ladies.
But that's not to say that they're not disappointed by his behavior. A devoted fan, Helen Stratford, told the New York Post, "It put a bad taste in our mouths to see him with a mistress."
The story is such a big deal that it actually made the cover of the New York Post yesterday, along with their Oscars coverage. Also, can we talk about their headline title? They call it a "Treesome." LOL. Clever.
The Post quoted an excerpt from the blog of a 36-year-old woman named Laura Goggin, who wrote that Nora "swooped in the second Dora left."
Some New Yorkers were just happy to have an explanation for all the hoopla around Tompkins Square Park.
Some can't help but find a striking similarity between the male hawk and the human males that they've dated in the city.
And of course, some are so intrigued by the story that they'll never settle for boring, National Geographic-style coverage of animal relationships ever again.
Here's hoping Dora moves on and finds a hawk partner who's 10 times better than Christo ever was. Oh! Or, better yet, how about she dumps Christo, builds her own nest and learns that she doesn't need a male hawk to complete her? That's the storyline I'm rooting for.
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