Jersey Shore was basically just an endless stream of insane antics and WTF moments like no other show before it. I still remember where I was when Snooki got punched at that bar, and let's not forget how for a good three years, everyone was saying "GTL," "T-shirt time," and "Cabs are here" all the time. Well, now MTV has another liquor-soaked, beachside reality show to recreate the Jersey Shore magic. Floribama Shore premiered on Monday night, and came in hot with a ton of its own crazy quotes and moments. Let's go over the most ridiculous moments from the Floribama Shore premiere and relive the Southern charm.
1. Aimee: "I hit a beach house with my car." Kirk: "Damn, how drunk were you?" Aimee: "I wasn't. I just can't drive."
I can already tell Aimee is going to be the one with all the best one-liners and crazy quotes, and hopefully she doesn't get behind the wheel on this show.
2. Kortni: "I'm your grandpa, bitch!"
Kortni got a little too excited when Gus pointed out that she started to sound like a grandpa when she gets too drunk.
3. Nilsa: "It's kinda hot that Jeremiah is homeschooled."
Nilsa's turn-ons include big muscles, guys that aren't interested in her, and homeschooling.
4. Aimee's luggage includes a fishing rod and a large pack of Ramen.
Maybe she thought the house wouldn't have any food in it?
5. Kortni gets drunk and pees on Candace's bed without realizing it.
Not the greatest first impression, Kort...
6. Kortni gets drunk and pees in a trash can on the beach.
I'm sensing a trend here.
7. Nilsa desperately tries to order a pizza and keeps failing, culminating in her screaming: "Who do I have to blow to get a pizza around here!?"
You've got to admire her persistence though. When that first pizza guy answers the phone to tell her the store is closed, she just goes ahead and gives him her order anyway.
8. Jeremiah: "The gym is my natural habitat. I'm a cheetah and those weights are a gazelle."
Those poor weights.
9. Gus eating cheesecake off the ground to try to flirt with Nilsa.
Gus and Nilsa's date was probably the most uncomfortable thing on television in a long time.
10. Aimee: "I shouldn't have to work because I'm a princess goddess mermaid."
I bet I know who is going to be the first one fired from their summer job.
11. Nilsa: "Knock knock." Jeremiah: "Who's there?" Nilsa: "My vagina... You should say 'My vagina who.'"
Did I say Nilsa's date with Gus was the most uncomfortable thing ever, because it was actually Nilsa throwing herself at Jeremiah with suggestive knock knock jokes.
12. Kortni: "I'm a trashed-ass bitch! Sorry mother... oh god, warts."
Kortni takes intoxication to an unholy level when she screams this while stumbling out of a cab at the end of the night.
13. Aimee: "If a dude put suspenders on to try to get this cookie, he definitely ain't gunna get it."
Aimee is the house's resident fashion police, and she is not okay with suspenders.
14. Aimee: "That looks like some dumb shit Kanye West would wear."
She is also not okay with raggedy, cut-up flannel shirts. Or Kanye West's fashion sense.
15. Nilsa: "Who needs a man when you got a whole pizza to yourself?"
Sage words of wisdom, Nilsa.
16. Kortni: "Hashtag knock the bitch the f— out, bitch!"
The biggest moment of the premiere came when Kortni threatened to punch a random girl out at the club. But she still managed to make her threat Twitter friendly.
17. Nilsa: "Her vagina has been intact for 30 years. That's like, ancient compared to mine."
When Jeremiah chooses some random older girl for Nilsa, she obsesses over her age. I think they actually said Jeremiah's date was only 26, but even that is ancient to 23-year-old Nilsa.