Here's The 1 Thing Couples' Therapists Tell Their Clients, So Take Notes

by Christy Piña

The idea of couples' therapy can be scary for some people, but it doesn't have to be. Couples' therapy is an incredible tool meant to help you and your partner be your best selves in your relationship and in life. Think of couples' therapists as the more experienced friends you go to when you need advice on any aspect of your relationship — except, they're doctors! And totally qualified to help you and your bae through anything. Even though each relationship is different, there's one thing these couples therapists tell their clients, and it's really beautiful.

Every relationship has its own set of problems; some are easier to tackle right away, while others tend to come up over and over again. When you continuously find yourself going in circles with your partner about the same topic, it can be hard to admit that it might be best to seek some outside assistance. "On average, couples wait about six years before they seek help, and that's a lot of extra time for damage to be done," Anita Chlipala, dating expert and licensed marriage therapist told Elite Daily. When a part of you feels like your relationship could benefit from couples' therapy, but you continue to deny it, you can end up doing more harm to your relationship than good.

I spoke to three couples' therapists, and they delivered some of the most beautiful and extremely real things they tell all their clients. BRB, crying.

Trust is the cornerstone of love.
"A truly loving relationship requires the ability to trust each other. Trust is the cornerstone of love because without it, love cannot exist, and trust means knowing you are safe to be vulnerable with your partner — to share your true authentic thoughts and feelings with them. When we are vulnerable with each other, we significantly increase the possibility of feeling empathy for each other. Empathy promotes more understanding, and that is always a desirable goal. Being this open in love also requires courage. If we are courageous in love, we dramatically increase our chances of both experiencing and expanding our love for each other. Obviously this takes some work and commitment on the part of the couple. In short, mature love needs trust, vulnerability, empathy, courage, and perseverance for love to flourish."

— Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent relationship therapist in Los Angeles who offers pre-marital and marriage counseling

It's all about growth and healing.
The one thing I tell all my clients who come in for couple's therapy is that marriage is for the purpose of growth and healing. I tell them this, and show them this through exploring their points of contention, and how they are tailor made for their maximum personal growth because I want to inspire them with the hope that their marriage can be better and that the struggles they have are not random.

— Rabbi Schlomo Slatkin, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, co-founder of The Marriage Restoration Program

The magic is not in the solution.
Two-thirds of conflicts in happy marriages that work never get resolved. The magic is not in the solution, it’s in the way you work together through the conflict.

— Nicole Richardson, Licensed Professional Counselor and Marriage and Family Therapist

TL;DR? There can be no love without trust. The struggles you have in your relationship are not random. And the magic lies in working through a conflict with your partner. Each one of these things can benefit your relationship in ways you never would've imagined. Couples' therapists have studied how to make a relationship really soar, and remembering to trust, grow, and work together, can help you and your partner be even stronger together than you already are.

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