Deciding to move in with your partner is a super exciting step to take in any relationship, but some people make the mistake of thinking that moving in together isn't that big of a deal, because after all, if you live in a high-rent city like New York, having some kind of cohabitation situation is pretty common. So like, why not cohabitate with someone who you love and can also have sex with, am I right? But,
living with a partner is different than a roommate in a few key ways that are important to consider.
That's not to say that either living situation is better or worse than the other, because as someone who's enjoyed the benefits and experienced the pitfalls of both,
different feels like the best word to sum up the comparison. When in the process of considering if moving in with your bae is a good idea, it's important that cost not be the deciding factor, because IMHO, that is not a good reason to take such a huge step. Even if one of you is totally pumped and the other is more apprehensive, rushing into things could definitely lead to some major issues down the line. So, here are the good and the not so good ways living with a roommate and living with your partner are totally different. 01
There's no such thing as 'eating someone else's food.'
As someone who was never all that particular about my food, it always seemed like the silliest thing when a roommate would have a meltdown because I used
one of their organic eggs without asking. Or the "line" of their lemonade looked lower than they remembered leaving it because apparently some people have time to keep track of those things. But once you live with your bae, gone are the days of getting passive aggressive texts from roomies trying to Sherlock Holmes their way into figuring out who used the last of their flaxseeds. News flash: Flaxseeds are gross, no one wants them, bye. And if your partner is stingy with food then dump them now, because nobody has time for that. 02
You get a live-in BFF and regular hookup.
In the words of vintage Miley, you get the best of both worlds.
You get to live with your best friend and have sex with them! The days of tossing and turning in frustration wishing your SO would trek from their place to yours at midnight on a Monday for some TLC are a thing of the past. 03
When you get into fights, you really can't escape into your own room.
Now, for the less than ideal parts of living with your boo. First off, getting into fights pretty much guarantees that you're going to either have to leave the apartment or awkwardly storm around for the rest of the day to show how annoyed you are.
There's a luxury in knowing you don't have to be around someone when they've pissed you off, and live-in couples don't have that. If you share a studio, then that could really get tricky. Pro-tip: During fights, my friend (who shares a studio with her boyfriend) slams the door on her way in and out of the bathroom for a similar dramatic effect as slamming a bedroom door. Ideal? Not exactly.
For all intents and purposes, you're living like you're married.
I think the biggest thing about living with your partner that many people don't anticipate is that your lives become intertwined in a way that is pretty much like being married. And this can be a good or bad thing, depending on where you are in life. Having a roommate definitely doesn't affect your feelings of freedom like having someone at home waiting for you. And don't think you're going to be able to wiggle your way out of family obligations, because saying you have plans when your bae knows for a fact that you don't, pretty much never works. And while you might not be sharing finances, if you have different incomes, one of you may have to make some lifestyle adjustments so you both feel satisfied living within your differing budgets.
Sharing a bed can be the best and worst thing. I look back on the days of my empty bed with a twinge knowing that I didn't realize how amazing it is to sleep diagonally spread-eagle. Of course, back then I was also complaining about how I just wanted a bae to cuddle me as I drifted off to sleep. And I mean, chances are you probably weren't sharing a bed with your roomie.
Having Alone Time Can Feel Impossible Sometimes
When you live with a roommate, even when you're both home, you can mostly do your own thing. This is totally still possible when you live with an SO, but it takes more deliberate effort. Oftentimes, after work, you're both inevitably going to be either hanging out with friends or with each other, and that doesn't leave much time for you to just do you.
Moving in with your bae is definitely something to look forward to, but making sure you're both ready for the next chapter of your life together is key.
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