Flirting over text messages is one of the best parts of modern dating. There's just something about hearing the notification when someone you're vibing with sends you a message that can make your heart skip a beat. If you're currently deep into a text flirt with someone new, chances are you're wondering how to tell if you have chemistry over text and if that connection will be the same when you meet in person — or if it's even possible to have chemistry while texting all. Diana Dorell, intuitive dating coach and author of The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again, says the answer to that question is yes. "Especially if your primary mode of communication has been texting or email, or you just feel safer to open up in those mediums," she tells Elite Daily.
While texting may be the modern way we communicate with people we're interested in romantically, falling in love through the written word is nothing new, as Kayla-Brooke White, a life coach and resident in counseling, tells Elite daily. "Think back to before texting and cell phones, etc., when people wrote letters! Many relationships began with writing letters," she says. So yes, having real chemistry over text messages is possible, it just comes down to the content of the conversations. "You can have meaningful conversations via text, just as you can in person," explains White.
With that said, here's how the experts say you can tell if the connection you're feeling over text is real and mutual.
They take an active interest in getting to know you.
“One of the main signs of showing interest in someone and building chemistry is asking questions,” says White. In other words, if they're checking in to see how you’re doing or if your day is going well, that's a sign of growing chemistry. Even clearer, however, is when they ask followup questions, because it shows they're taking an active interest in getting to know you better.
There's a balance of effort to communicate.
Does it feel like you're putting in all the work to initiate and keep the conversation flowing? If so, Dorrell says there may be something off in the chemistry. However, if there's a good balance of commutation and banter, that’s a good sign the feelings are mutual.
They show that they are paying attention.
Someone who's really feeling the chemistry with you is going to be practically hanging on your every word and actively listening. One way to know this is happening is if they follow up on things you’ve told them previously, explains White. “For instance, if you have an assignment due and they remember and ask you how it went, or how it’s going, that’s huge, and likely a sign of someone taking interest in the things going on in your life, not just you,” she says.
You can just feel it — literally.
If you want to know if the chemistry you're feeling is real, Dorell suggests paying attention to the way you feel physically when you get a message from them. “The body never lies,” she explains. “You may get a flutter when you see their text or you may get a feeling of energy that's coursing through you that feels like they're there even if they're not.”
Your communication moves beyond texting.
Texting is great, but it's not everything, and when you have real chemistry with someone you're both likely going to want to move onto more direct forms of communication. “One of the biggest ways to confirm your feelings would be to progress from texting to phone calls, FaceTime, and eventually meeting in person. If you have the same chemistry in person as you do via text, then you’ll have a little more certainty that those late nights texting were worth it,” White concludes.
Ultimately, the best way to know if what you're feeling over text is real may just be to trust your instincts. Do you feel the chemistry? Are they acting like someone who's feeling it too? Does it seem as though something is building between you? If the answers to those are all yes, then chances are the vibe between you is the real deal.
Kayla-Brooke White, a life coach and resident in counseling