The Only Thing The Microscopic Jacquemus Bags At Fashion Week Can Hold Is My Patience

If you're like me when it comes to overpacking, you're probably the kind of gal that takes a stuffed tote bag across the street to pick up iced coffee and come right back. No matter where I'm going, for some reason I feel the urge to be wildly, unnecessarily, overly prepared, and for this reason, I almost always carry a big purse. A ladylike clutch just doesn't cut it when it comes to all the stuff I want to carry, so when I saw the Jacquemus Le Chiquito Bag in all its miniscule glory at Fashion Week, I can admit I felt personally attacked. It's too small to fit even my very old iPhone model, and just big enough to fit my patience, which is admittedly getting smaller by the second. Is this the future of fashion? If so, I'm going to need a crossover episode of Hoarders: Buried Alive and Tidying Up With Marie Kondo to clear out my various tote bags so I can fit my essentials in something smaller.

Unfamiliar with Jacquemus and the brand's notoriety for over- and under-sized accessories? I first came across the line last year when their massive staw La Bomba hat took over Instagram as celebs wore it with pride and everyday shoppers mocked its level of extra.

This hat is large and in charge, and I bet the reason she doesn't have clothes on is because she didn't have a big enough bag in which to pack any. We're getting there...

JK, but regardless, this hat made the brand's Instagram cred soar. After their oversized accessories made waves, the brand did the next logical thing, which was to create teeny tiny accessories and truly confuse us all. That's just how fashion works, y'all! Instantly, their mini handbags were a hit.

Admittedly, some of the purses are pretty cute, like this lil guy from the latest Fall/Winter 2019 fashion show:

And if it's big enough for my queen, Kim Kardashian, it's big enough for me, right?

But let's get real: It took more fabric to create the strap than the purse itself! I have lipstick bullets bigger than this bag:

But it was this one, Le Chiquito, that really put people (myself included) over the edge:

Who gave Jacquemus the right? My Barbie dolls and Polly Pockets had larger accessories! Oh, and by the way, a Le Chiquito costs a cool $486:

Oh, and let's not forget that the brand even used Mini Chiquito bags to send out teeny tiny invites to the actual fashion show:

You'd need reading glasses to see these little papers with ease, but oh yeah, your bag is too small to fit a pair, so unless you wear contacts or have 20/20 vision, you're sh*t out of luck.

By the time I could've figured out what this invite said, the show would've been long over:

Call me crazy, but I'd rather buy $500 worth of stuff and pack it all in a huge, cheap tote bag than spend $500 on a bag that can't even hold a dollar bill. To each their own though, that's just my two cents — not that two cents would fit in this purse, anyway.