Is Dormcest A Bad Idea? 4 Reasons You Might Want To Think Twice Before Hooking Up
On the hierarchy of dorm life faux pas, committing dormcest falls somewhere in the middle. It's less severe than hooking up with your RA, but more of a thing than forgetting to sign out your overnight guest. When it comes down to it, though, is dormcest a bad idea?
Some people would say yes, based on personal experience. Others who have done it believe it makes for a fun — if somewhat scandalous — college hookup story. You might just need to hook up with someone on your floor and decide for yourself whether or not it's worth it. But if you're looking for reasons not to do it, there are plenty of valid arguments against dormcest.
"While it may be seamless to fall for someone you probably see all the time, there are some considerable downsides to consider," Julie Zeilinger, author of College 101: A Girl's Guide to Freshman Year, told Elite Daily. "If things don't go well, then it can make for an incredibly uncomfortable living situation. Your room and dorm generally should be a place of refuge where you feel most comfortable, not somewhere you feel you need to avoid or tread carefully."
I'm not one to judge women who choose to engage in dormcest — trust me, I'm not. All I'm saying is that it can lead to a number of logistically awkward situations. Here are four practical reasons you might want to think twice before hooking up with someone in your dorm.
1. You're bound to run into them when you feel like a mess.
Like Zeilinger says, your dorm should be a place where you can feel comfortable. It's a safe space for you to walk around makeup-free or in your grossest sweats, without any fear of being judged. When you're romantically or sexually involved with someone on your floor, though, you risk running into them in a situation where you're not as put together as you might like. While they probably won't mind (or even notice), why give yourself the chance to feel self-conscious? Pursue a campus crush that lives somewhere, anywhere else, so you can maintain this very important boundary between your public persona and your private life.
2. You might see them with someone else (or vice versa).
Many dorm hookups are purely casual. Whether you hooked up with someone in your residence hall one time or you have an ongoing FWB agreement, when the rules for the relationship are lax, there's more of an opportunity for someone to get hurt. When you're sleeping with someone who also lives in your dorm, it's quite possible for you to run into them with someone else (or for them to see you with another bedfellow). The issue of jealousy aside, that is one awkward encounter you'd probably rather avoid altogether.
3. It could ruin your friendship.
"It feels 'incestuous' because you meet and bond with people in your dorm so quickly; they become your family, your home base," Samantha Burns, dating coach and author of Breaking Up & Bouncing Back told Elite Daily. "These are the people you've known since day one of college ... there's a level of comfort and shared space that you don’t have with the rest of your college cohort."
You've probably known this person since move-in, meaning your relationship began innocently enough. You likely swore to each other that hooking up wouldn't ruin your friendship, but you can't really know for sure until you've already done the deed. If this friendship is one you really value, it may be best not to tempt fate.
4. It will likely put you in some unnecessarily awkward situations.
Committing dormcest isn't actually a crime. Worst case scenario, someone's feelings get hurt. More likely, though, you've simply set yourself up for (at least) a semester of uncomfortable interactions. Unless you enjoy awkward late-night run-ins or early morning elevator rides alone with someone you've seen naked, why not save yourself the trouble? Do your best to pursue romantic relationships outside of the confines of your dorm, and you've solved the problem before it even became one.
When it comes to college hookups, there are plenty of fish in the sea. To prevent unnecessary awkwardness or ruined relationships, maybe let this one catch off your proverbial hook.
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