If you've spent what feels like your entire adult life dating, chances are you've felt the excitement and anticipation of meeting someone new (and possibly even starting a new romance) lose its luster. If you're single and bored with dating, you’re likely experiencing something the experts call “dating fatigue,” and you're not alone. "It’s so common, especially when your primary way of meeting potential partners is through apps. It starts to feel like a wasteland," life coach Nina Rubin tells Elite Daily. "It happens after you’ve been on and off apps for months and years and have had poor to mediocre experiences."
You’re especially susceptible to feeling this way if your goal in dating is to find a real relationship, as Eric Resnick, dating expert and profile writer, tells Elite Daily. "If you are dating with the goal of finding a relationship, going on several first dates where either there's no chemistry, the other person is a jerk, or you keep finding people who lie about who they are and what they want, it wears on you both emotionally and physically," he says. So, it's only natural that at some point you'll feel like you're just totally over the whole dating thing. "Dating fatigue is something that nearly every single person goes through. There are only so many first dates a person can go on before they stop wanting to go on first dates," Resnick explains. But don't panic. Just because you feel feel burnt out on dating now, that doesn't mean it will always be that way. Here is how the experts say you can make dating fun again.
The first step in making dating fun again is to take a break if you're feeling burnt out, says Resnick. “This might seem counterintuitive, but if you are suffering from dating fatigue, the first thing you need to do is focus on self-care,” he says. “Take a couple of weeks where you don't go on any dates or log into any dating apps.”
There is also no rush to get back out there until you’re ready, adds Rubin. “Take a dating break for two to six weeks. Each week, check in and ask yourself if it’s time to put your profile back up or if you’re OK as is,” she says. “This will make you excited to start again.”
While you’re on a break from dating, use this opportunity to refocus on the rest of your social life, Rubin advises. “Spend more time with friends creating friend dates. Don’t wait to do awesome things with a partner. Instead, do them with friends or alone,” she says.
They key is to spend your time doing the things that you enjoy, says Resnick. “Catch up on that Netflix series you've been wanting to watch. Just do you,” he suggests. “If you don't take the time to recharge the batteries, you will have a hard time sticking with dating until you meet the right person.”
Once you’ve taken some time off from dating and you're ready to get back out there, Resnick suggests approaching it with a new attitude. “Be more willing to say no,” he advises. “You can't guarantee that every date you go on will be a winner, but you can eliminate 80% of the duds by looking at people a little more closely and speaking to them a bit more before agreeing to go out with them.” In other words, treat your time as being just as valuable as it actually is, because you don't owe your time to anyone. “I see a lot of people say yes to most dates they are asked out on. Trust your gut. If you listen to it, it will steer you away from most of the people who made you feel dating fatigue in the first place,” says Resnick.
In addition to getting comfortable saying no to what you don't want, start saying yes and being more assertive about pursuing what you do want, says Resnick. “Be more proactive,” he suggests. “If you sit on your hands and wait to be found, you only get to choose from what finds you. Why would you want to give up total control when it comes to something this important?”
One of the reasons dating fatigue can feel so intense is because it's often accompanied by FOMO, Resnick explains. That's why he says pushing aside those feelings of missing out can help make dating fun again. “FOMO is garbage,” he says. “It's a lie we tell ourselves because we've been trained to believe it by dating apps and the manufactured happiness we think we see everyone else having on social media. There is no single love of your life out there. You will not miss out on finding someone by taking your time and putting your needs first,” he adds. In fact, these thoughts may actually be blocking you from connecting with the right person, he warns. “If you take care of yourself and stop focusing on what you could be missing, you put yourself in a much better position (and healthier mindset) to find exactly what you are looking for,” Resnick concludes.
Getting over dating fatigue and making dates fun again ultimately comes down to self-care and putting your needs first. Give yourself the space and time to be ready to get out there, and then go after what you want, while giving yourself the permission to say no to anything or anyone you don’t. When you’re ready for romance again, get back out there and do you.
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