Once you've been part of the dating scene for a while, it's easy to get discouraged if you still haven't met someone you vibe with. Even when you're not looking for "the one," just finding someone who can connect with can feel like a massive struggle. If you're dating around, but not feeling a connection, it's important to realize that even though it might not feel like it, what you're going through is completely normal. There's no "right" amount of time to play the field before someone's supposed to find their match because every circumstance is different.
According to Dr. Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show, it's also common to develop anxiety about being single, which can make you feel even worse. "It is very normal to date for weeks to years and not find the right person," Dr. Klapow tells Elite Daily. "Often, when we can't find the right person, we increasingly get more anxious in our search, we look harder, we judge quicker, and we evaluate people not on their humanity or potential, but if they do or don’t fit in the right box." If you've started feeling antsy about not being in a relationship, here are some helpful things to keep in mind.
"If you’ve been looking for a long time, it may be time to stop looking outward and start looking inward," explains Dr. Klapow. "What do you need as an individual to thrive, and to feel fulfilled independently of any relationship? How are you going to achieve that?" The truth is, basing all of your satisfaction in life on whether or not you're in a relationship can lead to so much negativity. Instead, try to focus on being the best version of yourself and trust that in time, you will meet someone who you connect with.
Although it can be tempting to make quick judgments about people, sometimes, they aren't always accurate. When you rush past people who you don't feel an immediate connection with, some great matches could slip through the cracks. "So often we cut the dating process short because it doesn’t ‘feel’ right in the beginning," says Dr. Klapow. "But it's possible that as you come to know the person, and they come to know you, it may feel right. Time can build connections."
According to NYC-based relationship expert and love coach Susan Winter, if you aren't making connections, it could be time to take a step back. "You're not seeing what you want," Winter tells Elite Daily. "Perhaps you're only window shopping and not in the mood to buy. Or, you aren't willing to lower your expectations. Both positions are valid and worthy reasons for going on a dating detox."
"This is not about settling, but it is about asking yourself if the people you are dating have some or most of the characteristics you are looking for but you're focusing on what is missing and making your decision based on that," poses Dr. Klapow. Part of being realistic when it comes to dating is understanding that no one is perfect. Most people end up compromising on one thing or another, and while that doesn't mean you should settle, if you're willing to compromise, you could still end up with a great partner.
Ultimately, it's OK if you're feeling burned out about dating. However, just because you haven't met someone yet, doesn't mean you never will, so don't fret. The best thing you can do is remain positive and patient. When the right person comes along, you'll be ready.
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