If Your Date Didn't Offer To Pay, Here's What It Means
Even though gender doesn't really have much to do with who pays for a date these days, most guys will still offer to pay for you on the first date. Alternatively, popular opinion tends to be that whoever set up the date should get the bill. So if you went out to dinner or drinks and your date didn't offer to pay, you might be wondering what that means. Are future dates out of the question, or was your date just tight on cash this time around? I spoke to six guys, and as it turns out, there are a number of different reasons why they might not pay for you on a date. Luckily, not all of these explanations mean they're not into you.
The majority of guys I talked to said they usually try to pay on a first date. For some, there are exceptions — like if you say you don't feel comfortable with someone else paying for you, or if you repeatedly insist on paying. Others only feel obligated to pay for the first one or two dates. After that, they expect you to chip in. It's important to note that if a guy didn't attempt to pay for you on a date, it's not necessarily a bad sign. If you're trying to determine whether you did something wrong, or if he's actually just a feminist who believes that all genders can foot the bill, I get it. Luckily, you don't have to wonder any longer, because these guys are revealing what it truly means when they don't offer to pay on a date.
They're On A Budget
This guy says there's nothing wrong with the girl reciprocating from time to time.
If it's the first date, I'll always pay. Maybe even the second. But after that I'm not offering right away because she should recognize that we're in similar situations and that money is finite; also there's nothing wrong with reciprocating here and there and I'd like to think that the woman I'm seeing agrees with that notion. If it's a committed relationship I'd be more lax about it but, again, she should offer to pay too.
— Preston, 22
You Treated Them Poorly
This guy only won't pay if you're truly terrible to him.
The only reason I won't pay for her is if she's the shittiest person ever to me during the date. If the person is kind and just fun to be around I will happily pay.
— Brian, 23
They Felt Disrespected
This guy wants to make sure you have good intentions.
If she's clearly uninterested in being with you and finds herself on her phone most of time, or she's clearly just in it for some free food, drinks, whatever it is you're doing.
— Axel, 22
They're All About Equality
This guy thinks you two should split the bill.
Gender equality! We should go Dutch. I'd probably offer to pay, and if she wanted to go Dutch, great. If not, and it's the first date, that's cool too.
— Mitchell, 24
They Don't Intend To See You Again
This guy might not pay if he doesn't want a second date.
If it has just gone terribly and I have no intention of ever seeing that person again, [I won't pay].
— Axel, 22
They Wanted You To Feel Comfortable
This guy is cool with letting you pay, if you really want to.
If they want to keep everything simple and offer to pay themselves. Typically I'd pay, but I've been on some dates where they feel more comfortable paying.
— Andrew, 21
They Felt It Was Your Turn To Pay
This guy is down to take turns covering dates.
For me personally, there's no reason. If it's worth it to go on a date, it's worth it to pay. I usually insist on paying for the first date. After that, I always offer. But usually the girl offers to pay as well and we go back and forth taking turns covering dates. Do guys really not at least offer to pay? My momma taught me better than that.
— Joe, 24
There are a variety of reasons why a guy might not offer to pay for you on a date, so try not to jump to the worst possible conclusion. If you're genuinely curious about the reasons behind his decision, you can always just ask. And remember, while it's a nice gesture on his part, you're a strong, independent woman — and you can pay for your own damn meal.
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