The good thing about casual relationships is just that: They’re casual. People chose to be in them for lots of different reasons, and the fact that you get some of the best parts of a relationship without being tied down is pretty appealing, if that’s something you both want. But because the relationship is “casual,” it can also be a little confusing, especially when it comes to breaking up. If you’re not sure how to break the news, these texts to send when you need space might do the trick.
I know, I know. Breaking up over text is so impersonal. I agree! When you’re in a relationship that you want to end, breaking up IRL is usually the way to go, especially if your partner has been good to you. The thing is, a hookup buddy isn’t a full-on relationship — it’s a situationship. If you haven’t established anything serious or called each other boyfriend or girlfriend, the lines get blurred. Some people go with the flow and create boundaries as they go. Others like to have things laid out, à la friends with benefits. Either way, certain things that would be easily defined in a real relationship aren’t so easily defined in a situationship, especially if it’s as casual as a hookup buddy.
When you feel like you and your hookup buddy's situationship has run its course, it might be time to end it. You shouldn’t be involved in anything you don’t want to be involved in anymore. But because the rules are so unclear, how do you do it? Do you need to let them know IRL that you’re not into it anymore? Is it kind of OK to just… ghost? When you don’t know which way to go, sending a respectful text is probably a good idea. It’s casual enough to match the nature of your situationship, but formal enough where you’re giving the other person some courtesy and closure. Here’s some inspo for what to say when you’re feeling stuck.
If you’ve only been seeing them for a few weeks, there’s no need to go deep into the details of your feelings. It’s important to assure them that they did nothing wrong, in a “it’s not you, it’s me” type of way. (Except please, please don’t actually say, “It’s not you, it’s me.”) Rip off the bandaid with a quick and easy message. You don’t really need much else.
You don’t need to offer anyone any kind of explanation if you don’t think it’s necessary. If this really was a casual situationship, you don’t need to go into detail. But by giving them the option to discuss it further, you’re being respectful. This is especially true for situationships that have been going on for several months. Even if neither of you intended it, you may have gotten a little attached, and that’s OK! Put yourself in their shoes and think about what you’d like to be told if you were on the receiving end.
Resist the urge to add a sarcastic “Bye!!” at the end of this. If your hookup buddy was not nice to you or made you feel bad in any way, ditch them. You don’t need to add fluff or make something sound nicer if they never extended the same courtesy!
If your hookup buddy is under the impression that you’re just as into them as they are into you, try and be gentle. This is probably going to catch them off guard, and no one likes to be blindsided. Let them know you think they’re a great person, but that you feel like some space is the best thing for you right now.
If you’re pretty sure your hookup buddy isn’t feeling it anymore, either, then it’s probably best that you end it. Why would you guys stay in a situation that neither of you are into? Only say, “What do you think?” if you can correctly assume it’s over for them, too. You don’t want to get a paragraph back filled with reasons why you should keep this up. Make sure you mention how the space is going to benefit you both, so that it doesn’t feel like the ending is one-sided. They’ll probably appreciate this more than you know.
It’s hard to predict how someone is going to react to bad news, but you owe it to yourself to follow your heart. And if ending a situationship that you don’t want to be in anymore is what’s best for you, then go with your gut (regardless of how they’ll react). You can only really control how you handle the situation, and ending it on a graceful note will help you seamlessly transition into your next amazing non-relationship!
Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.
Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!
