After all of that swiping, matching, chatting, and meeting, you've finally landed yourself a keeper. You're in a relationship with a great person, but sometimes, you still miss using dating apps. You may be wondering whether having the occasional urge to swipe is something you should be concerned about, which is a totally valid question. It turns out that there are a number of reasons why you might miss dating apps. The explanation may be as simple as you're easily bored and you miss having a mindless activity to distract yourself with, or it could be more complicated — and could potentially be an indicator that you're unhappy with some aspect of your relationship.
I spoke to Dr. QuaVaundra Perry, a licensed psychologist who specializes in couples' therapy and relationship distress. She explains that there are a few things to consider if you're in a relationship but find that you miss dating apps. She provided a list of questions to ask yourself, which, when answered honestly, can help determine if there is an unresolved issue within yourself or your relationship. Before you start to panic, you should ask yourself the following four questions. Then, evaluate your answers based on Dr. Perry's expert advice.
It's also important to evaluate when and why you visited dating apps or sites in the past, because that can help explain the reasons behind your current urges to get back on them.
"Do you notice that you browse the sites mindlessly out of habit when you are bored, or do you visit the sites when you feel rejected and alone?" says Dr. Perry. The former isn't as big of an issue as the latter, and can be more easily addressed and rectified. Consider downloading a few games on your phone. That way you can still be entertained, but without any consequences in terms of your relationship.
"Another issue can be taming the mindset of finding the one,'" says Dr. Perry. "Oftentimes people are happy in their relationship but may feel compelled to continue using dating apps in case they are missing out on the perfect mate. Do you find yourself browsing out of curiosity?"
This is a common obstacle to finding a relationship on a dating app, or at least getting someone to fully commit. It's not out of the ordinary to question whether there is someone else out there for you who might be "better" than your current partner. This question of "What if?" may explain your reluctance to stop swiping.
Finally, ask yourself whether you are secure and confident in yourself. How is your self-esteem? Do you tend to get your confidence boosts through compliments from other people, or does that love come from within? This may be the hardest question to answer honestly, but it's so important.
"At times, you may find yourself missing dating apps because it gave you a sense of validation and attention, even if short-lived," says Dr. Perry. "It may be worth exploring whether you are looking outward for comfort and praise that can only be fulfilled within."
There are a number of possible explanations why you might feel the need to use dating apps even though you're in a committed relationship. Before you act rashly, though, consider what is missing from your relationship — and whether your current partner is able to help meet those needs.
Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!