Unfortunately, in a relationship, just loving your partner isn't enough. No, in fact, relationships take compatibility on a variety of levels. And, sometimes, as devastating as it is, you wind up having to break things off with the person you love the most because they're simply incompatible with you in some important way. For example it's totally possible to
love your partner but need more emotionally. So incredibly possible that these women in a recent Reddit AskWomen thread shared their experiences going through this very pain.
Read along and get ready to empathize with some serious heart break.
She felt like she was begging him for scraps of attention.
I knew that I needed much more affection that he was able or willing to give and decided to be free and happy. We were together several months and it got worse and worse as I saw how I was almost begging for mere scraps of attention and love from him while giving everything I had. I told him this and he just didn't get it. Ending it was absolutely the best thing I ever did.
He wanted their entire relationship to revolve around sex.
My fiancè had an issue with oversexualizing every situation. Fair enough -- we're in our early 20s, so I wasn't too surprised. But it was ridiculous, and was the only time in our relationship he put 100% of himself into. There was no kissing, cuddling, or time alone together without sex. No dates or movie nights, birthday or Christmas gifts, without the expectation of sex. It became tiring, and made me feel worthless. Just broke up with him a week ago, and gotta admit, it's hard as hell, man.
In the thick of it, she thought their issues were just in her head.
Yes. I broke up with my ex and it’s the best decision I ever made.I realised my emotional needs weren’t met, but I thought I didn’t have realistic needs or expectations, because I’ve seen so many romcoms. After I broke up with him and I finally started letting my friends back into my life, I talked to them about what I was missing. I told them about the times he told me I could be good looking if I lost some weight, the times he bought me a present and then immediately asked me when I was going to post it on facebook or if I had shown it to my friends and family yet, the time he didn’t pick up my antibiotics when I had a high fever because he didn’t feel like it and I had to go get them myself, the times (almost always) he didn’t feel like getting groceries and I had to walk to get them myself and carry those heavy groceries home even though he could’ve easily driven me to the store so we could’ve gone together. He hated the sound of my voice and got mad if I interrupted him when he was talking for 15 minutes straight about an issue at work (just to ask a question to understand the story better). He always tries to prove he was better than me at the things I enjoyed doing. He told my parents that he only proposed to me because I finally stopped whining about wanting to get married, even though I only mentioned it a couple of times. I could go on and on.Now I’m in a loving relationship of almost a year. We respect each other, we apologise, we talk about the little things and I’m incredibly happy. I can’t believe I’ve ever thought a genuine love like that wasn’t out there and I’m happy I get to come home to him and kiss him good night.I just want to say, if you feel like your needs aren’t met, no matter how big or small the issues you may have, you should trust that gut feeling and find happiness.
She realized she had more fun without her girlfriend there.
Just a couple weeks ago. I was dating a good friend, but I realized that while as friends we were fine, I didn't like the look of her life when it was . There were dozens of things, but it came down to that I felt like the best parts of myself were being smothered while with her.The moment I decided was when for my birthday, a couple of my best friends in the world took me away for a weekend, and I felt so awesome, like I was really getting to be my best self with them again (I had lived with one of them previously and it was the best time of my life). My gf at the time texted and said she wished she was there. I realized that if she were, I wouldn't be having a good time at all, and I was glad she couldn't come.I waited a month because my gf's 30th birthday was coming up, but once I realized how miserable I was there was no going back.I've really been enjoying these last couple weeks single. mine
He was never there to help when she needed him most.
We were in a restaurant and I accidentally bit my tongue. It hurt a little but but started bleeding quite a lot. He offered no sympathy, no ice, no help, he simply repeated over and over again "I just don't understand how that's possible. never bit my tongue like that before! Absolutely baffling, I just don't get it. . I can't even imagine how a person bites their tongue like that .. . weird. . . " I've Same thing one day we were walking on the sidewalk and I made the tiniest misstep (saying I tripped would be exaggerating, it was a misstep) and the same thing -- instead of just saying "What was that? You ok?" he just pelted me with questions about how there's clearly no huge pieces of debris on the sidewalk and he simply CANNOT COMPREHEND how I could have made a misstep. I want to punch him in his stupid face just thinking about that whole interaction. These are only a tiny examples, but I don't want to have to explain to the guy I'm dating how to act like a fucking human being. If your first reaction when someone hurts themself or makes a tiny mistake in front of you is to talk about how I'M SO PERFECT AND WONDERFUL THAT COULD NEVER HAPPEN TO MEEEEE then you don't deserve me as a girlfriend or anyone else. I realized that for the time we dated, he never once considered me before himself, ever, and I'd be a fool to stick around and expect things to change. He faked it for the first month which is how I ended up dating him, but after he realized we were actually a thing he shut off all emotional support.
He made her feel like she was constantly proving herself.
I dated someone that made me earn phone calls. I had to prove I was worthy of his attention constantly by giving him control of my phone, my social media, my life. We lived in different states and I had to earn visits, that were never more than an hour or two. Found out later it’s cause he had a wife to go back to. Anyway, if you feel like you have to beg for or earn his attention, then it’ll only get worse. The beginning of the relationship is supposed to be the part where they never want to be away from you.
She could tell by his actions that he didn't feel the same as her.
Recently yes. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. He didn’t feel the same way about me, even though he SAID he did, he wasn’t showing it. I felt like I was exhausting myself. I felt lied to. I felt used. I’m still extremely emotionally fragile. I am trying to move on day by day but I think of him all the time. Time will heal my wounds.
She felt like she was dating a robot.
Yes it was hard loved him but it’s was like dating a robot when it came to the emotional part and couldn’t deal with it anymore, it hurt as I wanted to marry him and we talked about marriage but I’m better off without that and much happier now.
She realized she was settling.
It’s important to remember that you can break up with someone just because it “doesn’t feel right”. You don’t need to have a specific reason. I dated my significant other for four years and throughout it all it didn’t feel exactly right, I just couldn’t explain why and we got along so I stayed. Over time I grew apart from him and realize that the feeling of it not being right was too big to ignore - if it’s a constant thought in the back of your head then listen to it. there is obviously some validity to it. Since breaking up with him I’ve been able to identify the reasons why I was feeling that way and I know it was the right decision. At times it was hard to stick with my choice, but I just had to remember how I felt and remember that both of us deserved to be in a relationship that fulfilled everything we were looking for. There will be someone like that out there, so if you have doubts, don’t settle.
He'd basically ignore her when they were apart.
Spent 5 years with a man, and he gave little to no affection when we weren’t together. That’s the part that really messed me up. We did live near each other, but he rarely saw me.. I was the only one with a job, I didn’t mind, I payed for everything, and all I asked was for affection. I started seeing my friends in happy relationships, and here I am looking like a fool. I finally had enough and ended it. I found someone who gives me all the love and affection I could ever need, even when we aren’t together. Life is better.
It took going to a wedding to make her realize she wanted more.
Went to a wedding recently and realized I didn’t have that with my current long term partner. I miss him a lot, but I know in the long run it’s the right thing to do.
He couldn't reciprocate her level of love.
I was with my Ex for 2 years and I loved every bit and piece of that man but he just couldn't reciprocate the love I was giving him. I felt so alone with him at times and I started getting depressed. One day I woke up and just decided I wanted to be happy and I knew I wasn't with him. I hadn't been happy with him for a while at that point and even though I loved him, at that point I had to choose to do what was going to be best for me. Sometimes choosing yourself is the better choice and that's what I did. I chose myself, I chose happiness and adventure and all the other wonderful things I missed out on being miserable for the sake of love.
The point here? If you're not feeling totally and completely emotionally fulfilled, don't fool yourself into thinking you can't get any better. You're allowed to leave. This doesn't have to be the rest of your life.
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