4 Things To Remind Yourself In A New Relationship So Anxiety Doesn't Get The Best Of You

by Alison Segel

You'd think that once you finally lock your crush down and you're in a committed, exclusive relationship, you'd finally get a chance to ~chill~ out and relax. But no. For me, that's when I'm in a constant state of new relationship anxiety, waiting for the other shoe to drop, convinced I'll be abandoned any second. Don't I sound like a joy to hang out with? I actually can be a very fun and flirty girlfriend, but only if I am constantly reminding myself that relationships are meant to be enjoyed, not stressed out about.

If your love life has become tumultuous, then it can be natural to come into new relationships with a bit of baggage and fear. But in order for a relationship to be truly successful, you gotta throw that fear out the window and operate out of self-assuredness and love. You can't control anyone's actions — only your reactions — and I need some mantras to repeat in my head so that my reactions remain on point. Because sometimes, they can get very needy and demanding.

So here are some important things to remind yourself if new relationship anxiety is affecting you. Your relationship should be fun, not worrisome.

1. You Need To Like Them, Too

Sometimes, dating makes me anxious because I am incredibly focused on whether or not my crush likes me, which makes me forget the most important factor: I need to like them, too.

Instead of trying to impress someone else, remember that you are a prize, and figure out whether or not your date and this new relationship impress you. This shift of perspective will take a huge weight off your shoulders.

2. Stay Busy

If you put all your attention on anything — whether it's a relationship, a work project, or finding a new outfit — it will probably cause you some anxiety. So instead of putting all your eggs in one basket, remember to keep busy with your own life as well.

Remain independent and keep your own life full. Have hobbies, and don't lose your friends just because you get in a relationship. That way, if you find yourself spinning out or having dating-centric worries, you'll have other outlets to turn to for relaxation.

3. Be Yourself

If you find yourself changing for someone else, you'll most likely be stressed or anxious due to the burden you feel to keep up appearances. You know what's a relief? Being yourself, telling the truth, and having someone like you for exactly who you are.

So if you find that you're anxious in your new relationship, maybe there's a lack of authenticity. Start being yourself, and if your new partner doesn't like it, it's better you find out sooner rather than later.

4. It Will Work Out If It's Supposed To

Forcing something to work just does not... work. You have to try to sit back and enjoy the ride. Stay present, and enjoy the good times as they come. They say that depression is when you're living in the past, and anxiety is fear about the future. So if you find yourself feeling fearful about your relationship, maybe you're comparing your new partner to other partners you've had in the past, or you're already forming expectations about what the future should hold in your new relationship. Let that all go, and just enjoy where you are right now.

It's normal to get nervous in a new relationship. You're allowing yourself to be emotionally vulnerable with someone new, and you're putting your heart on the line. But turn that fear and anxiety into love, and enjoy all the good as it comes along. Relationships are a gift — treat them well, and learn what you can from them.

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