And no, I’m not as cuddly as a cactus.
How The Grinch Stole Christmas is my favorite Christmas movie because he is all of us. Like, for example, he hates people, and refuses to go out when he can’t find the perfect outfit (don’t you hate when your favorite bodysuit goes missing?). He’s emotionally stunted but good-hearted at the end of the day. Plus, he has a dog, so he can’t be that bad. So, I wondered: What would happen if I messaged my Tinder matches with quotes from The Grinch?
Nothing spreads holiday cheer like a Tinder experiment. Even though I write about dating for a living, I totally overthink sending first messages on Tinder. I secretly love doing dating app experiments because they force me to overcome that anxiety. And as weird as it might sound to send Grinch quotes, movie quotes generally elicit a response! They're apparently just weird enough to make matches stop and say, "Wait, what?"
This holiday season, I figured that in order to find the most worthy dates for cute winter activities, I'd sift through matches who responded to my Grinch quotes. Luckily, the men of Tinder did not disappoint. I was pleasantly surprised to find very few true grinches among my Grinch quotes.
Here's how it all went down.
I feel like any other guy would be like (1) "WTF?" or (2) completely ignore my oddball statement and ask me a sexually lewd question. But I’m totally loving this guy’s completely reasonable response to me being the Grinch who stole Christmas.
I kind of felt like I was having a conversation with my grandpa, but, like, he’s not wrong.
Just... creepy. Unfortunately if you’re a woman with a disability on the internet, these messages are not uncommon. I totally walked into this, though, with the super weird Grinch quote I chose. What can I say? I like to push boundaries in the name of ~art~.
When The Grinch gets caught stealing Christmas, he utters what is perhaps the most perfect opening Tinder line on earth. This guy was down to cuff me and do whatever I say. A keeper in my book.
Nothing gets past this guy. But he has excellent holiday movie taste!
I feel like this exchange was actually really successful and cute, but that might be because I’m a sucker for perfectly paced GIFs.
This guy was the most responsive of them all... and yet, the most boring. Oh, the irony.
I love how this guy was all thirsty with his double messages then got totally scared away by my Grinch quote. If you can’t handle my insanity, no date for you.
Since it’s cuffing season and this quote worked so well the first time around, I figured I’d try it again. The success rate on this one is v impressive. If I wasn’t as gay as the day is long, I’d totally go out with this guy. You should totes use this opening line, ladies. Thank me later.
This guy didn’t miss a beat. A Christmas icon.
This poem was oddly flattering. I thought I had the perfect Grinch quote for a response, but he totally ghosted me. Ah, the fleeting artist.
As a queer woman on Tinder, I get a ridiculous number of threesome requests. I thought this Grinch quote would be perfect to send to a couple looking for a threesome, but to pour salt in my wounds from my previous exchange, this couple straight up ignored me. Now it’s my goal to send this to every couple I’ve matched with until I get an affirmative response. Which might take me until next Christmas, considering “folks” is probably the most unsexy word in the English language.
Through this experiment, I learned that the Grinch is low-key kinda smooth. So if you’re looking for a date to bring back to your family Christmas, someone to buy you hot cocoa, or someone to kiss when ringing in the New Year, I suggest referencing The Grinch. Merry Christmas!
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