Just Because I Make Last-Minute Date Plans Doesn't Mean I Don't Care About You
I've spent much of the last year flying by the seat of my pants — spontaneously jetting off on weekend trips; sitting in my university library and cramming for exams until the wee hours of the morning (grad school: It's like college, but more!); struggling to balance work, school, and any semblance of a social life while also remembering to do things like eat food, pay my rent on time, and shower. If and when I squeeze meeting new guys into that equation, I always, always, always make date plans at the last minute. But I promise, gents, it's not because I'm not interested. It's just that... I'm really tired, and date-planning can be tricky when you're running on nothing more than a bag of potato chips and three large iced coffees.
Looking back on all of my dates this year, I've left the planning for every single one in the guy's hands. I often fail to respond to their suggestions for days at a time and wait until, like, the morning of our date to confirm. Because I am the worst.
But the funny thing is that I think it actually makes me more appealing to said dates? I seem illusive and mysterious, like a fancy butterfly they just can't catch. (Then they meet me IRL and think, "Whoa, who knew butterflies had such crazy eyes?! Think I'll let this one fly." Then I flee the scene, grab a Happy Meal at McDonald's, and pat myself on the back for eating a balanced meal. Adulthood, amirite?)
But that aforementioned air of illusion is just a side-effect of my hectic schedule — it's not something I do on purpose to attract attention. My poor planning skills don't mean I'm trying to play hard to get, nor does it mean that I'm uninterested in my dates. And if you're stressing because your adorable recent Tinder match still hasn't nailed down your plans for next week, they're probably not playing games, either.
Here are three potential (and not at all sinister) reasons why they're putting date-planning off until the very last minute — as told by the girl who does this all the freaking time.
01Their schedule's up in the air.
This is the number one reason why I hold off on confirming plans: My schedule is changing constantly.
Pre-grad school days, when I was working in New York City, I'd often find myself in the office well past 9 p.m. — cancelling dinner dates, drinks with friends, and FaceTime sessions with my dog to wrap up my to-do list.
These days, my professors have a frustrating knack for scheduling guest lecturers and workshops just 24 hours ahead of time, leaving my Google calendar in an ever-changing state. Generally, I've found that people prefer morning-of confirmations to last-minute cancellations, which is why I opt for the former.
02They're disorganized.
Again, speaking from my own experience here. I am a very curious blend of Type A and Type B personalities. I'm obsessive about keeping my room tidy, ensuring that my closet hangs in color order and verifying that my light switches are pointing in the same direction before I go to bed. But when it comes to remembering when an assignment is due for school, matching my socks, or planning out date nights, I am... whatever the exact opposite of color-coded would be.
Your date probably has the same go-with-the-flow mentality, so don't wait on them to concoct an elaborate plan. Instead, why not suggest a specific time and place to meet yourself? Plus, if reasons one and three don't apply to them, they'll likely agree in no time (and appreciate that you're taking the initiative!).
03They're really freaking tired.
Yes, hello, I am Genevieve and I am so tired. I feel like an actual monster saying this (especially to my sister, who has a one-and-a-half-year-old and has barely slept a full night in the last year), but it's true. Between my caffeine addiction and attempts to balance work, school, and human relationships, I get pretty worn down. And sometimes, I need to throw on my PJs at 6 p.m. on a Wednesday, fire up sitcoms on Netflix, and take a little time for ~self care~, as we Millennials like to say.
It's hard to know how rough or run-down I'll feel during any given week before it's here, which is another major reason why I don't love making date plans way in advance. I want to put my best, most awake foot forward, after all!
Seriously, though. It's not you, dates. It's me. I mean that — and I swear I'll be in touch soon about whether or not I can do drinks tomorrow night.
