My dating life as of recently has been... sort of lacking. For some context, I've been traveling a lot between New York City, Philadelphia, and my home town in South Florida due to my work being remote, so I haven't really been able to dedicate much time to dating recently. I'm on dating apps, have one flirty friend in particular, and, like, a billion crushes that will likely never go anywhere. (Ross Butler, I am always available.) Due to this dating plateau, so to speak, I asked a matchmaker who I could be compatible with to maybe help me out when I begin dating more seriously again.
To start off, I e-mailed Emily Holmes Hahn, founder of matchmaking company LastFirst, to give her a little bit of information about myself. I sent her the following bullet-point list of easy facts:
- I'm from South Florida, and have lived in the suburbs of Philly, Washington D.C., and Manhattan as well.
- I have degrees in journalism and art history from New York University.
- I'm 24 years old.
- I'm Jewish.
- I've been in one longterm relationship, which lasted on-and-off throughout college. (He was a he.)
- I'm pansexual, which means I'm attracted to any gender.
- I love reality TV, art, traveling, makeup, food, and reading.
- I'm not a huge drinker, but am happy to grab a glass of wine or cocktail.
I didn't really know what to expect on our upcoming phone call, but figured the above information would be handy to have ahead of time. Hahn really surprised me in her matchmaking approach on our call.
From talking with me, I was guessing maybe Hahn would say I am compatible with someone more mellow, to complement my more high-strung nature. That's kind of what I guess people would say works for me, since opposites attract and whatnot.
But, her work is best done in person — so I would like to see what a consultation with her company is like.
She started our phone call by addressing the list of attributes I provided.
"From our perspective, these are all great things to know, but all superficial to some degree," Hahn tells Elite Daily about the list I provided her. "It's not giving your energy or sense of humor, or the way you come into a room. All of those things are essential."
I thought Hahn might provide me with a list of characteristics, similar to the one I gave her, that my ideal, most compatible partner would have. But those points are pretty irrelevant in determining whether or not you're compatible with someone else. Just because someone watches the same TV shows and likes the same food as you does not mean you'll work together as a couple. Things like shared values, sense of humor, and worldview are much bigger indicators — and much harder to nail down in words.
Interestingly enough, information like the bullets I provided is usually along the lines of what people put on their dating app profiles. "Stats," as Hahn refers to these tidbits, don't give you an idea of what a person is really like, unfortunately.
Hahn recommends to use language or certain words you usually use on your dating app bio to let your actual personality shine. "[Include] a catchphrase, or something quirky about yourself that isn't too cheesy, to give a feel for your sense of humor or what makes you unique," she says.
For her matchmaking business, it works best in person — Hahn says no one looks exactly like their photos, and "people are more interesting than they seem on paper."
"That's part of the reason matchmaking services are so essential — to create a more human approach to dating than when computers match you up," she says. "It's thoughtful."
Hahn's business approach allows you to state three non-negotioables that must be present in your match. For me, that'd likely be someone who's Jewish, progressive, and a non-smoker. I'm curious if I were to use her services in the future how my "matches" would fare, and how it would compare to using a dating app.
But for now, I'll use Hahn's matchmaking advice and spruce up my profiles a little bit to include more Elana-specifc personality traits.
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