Being friend zoned is the worst. Nothing stings quite like knowing that the person you have feelings for sees you as just a friend, or worse, a best friend. When you’re in the same social circle, it blows even more, because you're around them all the time! You likely feel as though you have to pretend you don't have feelings so you don't make it awkward. When your feelings are strong, though, they can sit there and bubble until you can’t contain them anymore. At some point, you may find yourself wanting to figure out what to say to someone who friend zoned you, because honestly, it hurts!
It totally sucks seeing your “friend” flirt with other people. It sucks hearing them talk about their dating app dates, their one-night stands, and their relationship woes. It can be physically painful to see them try to hook up with other people. And because you two are friends, they may even turn to you for advice! Not knowing that you’re secretly madly in love with them!! This has never happened to me!!! I swear!!!
Getting friend zoned is the double-edged sword to end all double-edged swords. On one hand, it’s way too hard for you to watch them with other people, so you keep your distance to avoid getting hurt. But on the other hand, you also love having them as a friend, so you don’t want to put space between you two. Still, you don’t want to confront them because you’re scared of getting hurt and losing your friendship! So what can you even do?!
At this point, you might feel like your options are slim and your heart is tired. You either risk it all and tell them how you feel, or you say nothing and hope they will eventually fall for you. Regardless, you still have the power to voice your feelings and hope for the best. Here’s how to do that when you just can't take it anymore, in a way that will minimize the possibility of making things awkward.
1.Make Sure You Pick The Right Time
These are your feelings! This is sensitive information! You’re going to want to make sure you disclose them at an appropriate time. "While drunk from Fireball shots at your regular hangout" is not an appropriate time. I appreciate a little liquid courage. In fact, I encourage it! But you do not want to be a hot mess when you tell them how you feel, as it may be hard for them to take you seriously if that’s the case.
2. Gauge Their Feelings
Similarly, it’s important to observe them in the days before you confess your feelings to see how they're relating to you emotionally. If they’ve been chatting you up lately, and you’ve been talking more than usual, that may be a good sign. If you haven’t really spoken or hung out face-to-face in a while, maybe revealing your feelings right now isn’t a good idea. Wait until you’ve spent some quality time together, and then, bite the bullet.
3. Don’t Say, “We Need To Talk”
Going into a conversation with “we need to talk” makes the other person nervous and weary ahead of time. You don’t want them to be stiff and skeptical of you before you reveal your feelings. Instead, wait until you’re both together, alone, and not in a social setting. Suggest getting a cup of coffee together or doing a fun activity. That way, you’re both relaxed.
4. Preface The Conversation With A Serious Point About Maintaining Your Friendship
You don’t want to lose your friend, that’s for sure. When you’re ready to talk, make it clear that something has been eating at you for a while, and that you’ve gone back and forth about it, but you think it’s important they know. Tell them you value their friendship over anything else, and that even if the conversation doesn’t go the way you’d like, you still want to have them in your life, if they want that, too.
5. Don’t Beat Around The Bush
Don’t run around in circles! That will make you not seem confident in what you want to say. Practice in front of the mirror or with your best friend if you have to. The quicker and more confidently you say it, the faster it’s over, and the sooner you can move on with your life, regardless of the outcome.
6. Don’t Confess The Entirety Of Your Emotions All At Once, Either
You don’t want to scare your friend, especially if you want to keep them in your life in some capacity. So don’t word vomit all of your deep, pining love for them all at once. Refrain from using the L word, as it may be a little intimidating. Simply reveal that you have feelings and that you want them to know that. That’s really all you need to say in order to gauge if they reciprocate those emotions.
7. Be Honest
I know it’s hard, but you’re going to want to be as honest as possible, without revealing too much. You want to protect your own heart, too. Have answers ready if they ask you when these feelings started, why you’ve waited this long to tell them, and anything else you think they might ask. Being honest and straightforward with your friend will allow them to see a different, more vulnerable side of you, and that will give them an idea of the depth of your feelings, without you having to say too much.
8. Accept That They Might Not Feel The Same Way
It’s not enough to say that you want to keep them around as a friend if they don’t reciprocate your feelings. You should be prepared to actually work at being friends, even though they know how you feel. That might be difficult, but if you really want to stay friends, you can make it work. They’ll probably be more careful about what they talk to you about, and that’s OK. It might actually help you get over them!
Friendship is still possible after this type of confession, you just both have to be willing to make it work. And if it’s a little bit awkward for a while after, that’s OK, too. The awkwardness will pass eventually, and at least you know did everything you could.
9. Get Comfortable With The Idea That Things May Change
You have no way to know how your friend is going to react. After you confess your feelings, the nature of your friendship might change. The person you have feelings for may not want to continue your friendship, and that doesn't mean they don't care about you. It just means that they're considering what's best for them. It's sad, but it's a possibility you should be prepared for. Hopefully, you're able to work together to maintain your friendship, but even then, things may not feel as comfortable as they did before. You both know there are feelings involved, so while it might feel a little awkward, it will hopefully pass.
Things may also change for the better, and your friend might reveal an interest in you, too. If that’s the case, then your confession will have really paid off. Maybe you’ll go on a date and realize it wasn’t meant to be. Maybe you’ll realize that it was and that you’re soulmates! Whatever happens, take it day-by-day and try not to overanalyze. Emerging from the friend zone victorious is no easy feat, but it is possible.
Remember, you just got some serious ish off your chest, and that should make you feel like you won regardless.
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