How To Hook Up On A Plane Without Getting Caught, 'Cause You Know You Want To
Let's be real: Everyone's got a sex bucket list. Maybe it consists of trying crazy acrobatic positions in the bedroom, or attempting to get it on in all sorts of spontaneous and risky locations. (Like a romp between the stacks of your college library, perhaps?) Whatever the case may be, I'm guessing it involves joining the Mile High Club, which means you're probably wondering how to have sex on a plane...
So, like, hey, I'm Genevieve. And I'll be your captain on this instructional, plane hookup journey. Ready for takeoff (and an end to these flying jokes)? Great, let's go.
First and foremost, it's important to note that having actual sex on an airplane — while tempting — borders on illegal. "The Mile High Club might be exclusive and tempting but consider that while no state law might be applicable if no one sees you, there are surely some number of federal agencies that will find the conduct actionable," Joseph Tully, criminal lawyer and author of California: State of Collusion, told Bustle, "Since 9/11, it’s best not to stretch the limits on airplanes or you risk the unbridled wrath of Homeland Security — not an agency known for a sense of leniency or humor. Destination sex might be a better bet to stay off the no-fly list."
Of course, the laws are a little fuzzy, given the transient nature of, well, being on a plane. That said, there's no law against at least spicing things up with your SO mid-flight, right? With that in mind, here are four tips to help you get a little frisky in the friendly skies. You know you want to.
Show The Cabin Crew You've Got Nothing To Hide.
If you plan on hooking up in the bathroom of an airplane, don't try to be sneaky and secretive about it. You may think you're being subtle, but the odds that someone else — be they a flight attendant or passenger — will notice two people popping in and out of the same lavatory are crazy high.
Instead of sneaking around, tell your cabin crew ahead of time that you or your significant other has a personal issue (ambiguity is key!) and you two might need to pop into the bathroom together at some point. Explain that you wanted to give them a heads up so it doesn't become an issue. If they're really not cool with the idea, don't risk it! But if they seem understanding, why not pop in for a quick (and tight-squeezed) make-out session?
Spill Your Drink On Your Partner.
Hear me out. Spilling a drink on your partner (preferably water, to avoid stains!) opens up a few doors for you two. Not only can you use this opportunity to pop into the bathroom together and "get cleaned up," but you can also use it as an excuse to blot and rub and stroke your partner in all of the right places from the comfort of your seats.
(Just, please don't try to pull off that second idea if you guys are sharing the row with someone else or sitting near any children! That would be weird and inappropriate.)
Bring A Large Blanket Onboard.
This is another one you two shouldn't attempt if you're sharing a row or seated near kids, but if the coast is clear, snuggle up under a blanket and let your hands wander all over your partner. You'll feel rebellious, sexy, and concealed all at once.
(Note: Ladies, this trick is easiest to pull off if you wear a dress or a skirt.)
Go For The Upgrade.
If you can afford it and have plans to take a long (or even overnight) flight in the future, upgrade to a business or first-class ticket. Oftentimes, the seats on these flights will go all the way back, making it way easier for you and your partner to get cozy and a little kinky.
Bonus Tip: Prepare By Watching Top Gun.
So, this tip won't really help you hook up on a plane. But if you're looking for a little in-flight entertainment to get you in the mood, Top Gun is where it's at, y'all. Honestly, if that volleyball scene doesn't get you going, I don't know what will.
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