Back when I first started having sex, it was awkward AF. I had no idea what I was doing, and I was totally self-conscious about it. As if that weren't enough, I was also really worried about someone seeing my naked body. This was a long time before I had ever heard of the body acceptance movement, so every message I saw had been about what my body was "supposed" to look like. As you can imagine, that meant I spent a lot less time thinking of how to have more fun in the bedroom than I did worrying about what my partner thought of — and I assumed judged — every inch of my bod. Spoiler alert: They weren’t judging. In fact, if anything, they were just super excited to get to see it at all.
If this experience sounds familiar, let me tell you what no one told me: That kind of thinking is an epic waste of time and emotional energy. Yes, I was inexperienced and probably fumble-y, but that got better with practice. Over time, I learned more skills and techniques to make sure everyone was having a great time, but the rest of my anxiety wasn't necessary. In fact, it wasn't until I learned this that the real horizontal party started. So, how did I go from being awkward and self-conscious in the boudoir to a zero-f*cks sex goddess? Here's the good news: It turns out this evolution is totally within our control, and here's where to start.
1. Don't Take Everything So Seriously
It's OK to laugh at the awkward moments during sex — in fact, it enhances the experience. Learn to be able to laugh at yourself, and your confidence will grow. Also, only sleep with people you feel comfortable with, because the more you feel at ease, the better you will be about giggling through the stumbles. Plus, relaxing and choosing to be in the moment will make it much easier for you to orgasm.
2. Speak Up For What You Want
Speaking of increasing your pleasure, speak up for what you want in bed. If you feel comfortable having a frank conversation about what does and doesn't work for you, great. But if not, don’t be afraid to use nonverbal cues and the occasional “yeah, that feels great” to guide your partner.
3. Don't Worry About What They Think Of Your Body
Are you worried about how you look when you're on top? From behind? Are you worried you smell or that you moan too much? Listen, I get it. When you're having sex, you are very vulnerable. You are both physically and emotional open, and it can be really intimidating. But, girl, I promise, they aren't thinking any of those things. If they weren't into your body and excited to be there, they wouldn't be having sex with you.
4. Start Loving Your Body Just How It Is Right Now
This one is really hard, but it's totally doable. Your body is not a project or something in progress. Yes, it is always in flux, but it is exactly what it is in this moment, and you need to learn to embrace it. You will never have this moment back, so why would you want to spend it hating the body you live in. Anyone who doesn't agree that your body is beautiful just the way it is has no right to be near or inside your amazing body anyway.
5. Set The Mood For Sexy Success
A lot of making sex less awkward and more fun comes from within, but everyone needs a little outside help sometimes. In those cases, use every tool at your disposal to help you feel more confident. That can mean playing music that makes you feel sexy or wearing something that makes you feel powerful.
6. When All Else Fails... YOLO
Seriously, you only live once, and you deserve amazing sex. Screw the haters both inside and outside of you own head. It's your sex life — live it to the fullest.
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