Is there a bigger bedroom bummer than when someone doesn't know how to go down on you properly? Nope, there sure isn't. That's because cunnilingus — even so-so cunnilingus — is awesome. So on the occasion that your partner just clearly has no idea what they're doing down there, it really is disappointing. Nobody wants to be that person, but unfortunately, knowing how to go down on a girl (or more accurately, people with vaginas) isn't exactly part of our sex ed curriculum. (Though, it should be.) Fortunately, giving head is a skill where you can totally up your game, whether you're new to it or are a V-eating vet. Yep, there is always room for improvement. Here's the good news: The homework is amazing.
The first step to being amazing at giving head is to familiarize yourself with the anatomy. I mean, you're not going to win any battle without first understanding the terrain. But let's assume you know where all the hotspots are and want to know how to take your techniques to the next level. Well, in that case, it's time to call in the experts. Here's what they had to say about how to earn an enthusiastic thumbs up for going down.
1. Slow It Down
According to Jessica O’Reilly, PhD, creator of the Drive Her Wild With Pleasure, the first thing you want to do when you’re going down on the V is to slow it down. After all, it's an orgasm, not a race. "Most of us move more quickly than we intend to when we’re excited, nervous and aroused," says O'Reilly. "Whatever your inclination is with regard to speed, cut it in half and then cut it in half again. Trust me!"
2. Build The Anticipation
When you’re turned on, you might be tempted to rush to the finale, but you're only selling her short. Create delicious tension by slowly turning up the heat. Don't make the mistake of rushing and going "straight for the goods," warns O'Reilly. Instead, she advises, "Build anticipation by touching, caressing, feeling, licking, kissing, and breathing all over their body — slowly. Make them wait to intensify the impact once they finally get what they’re begging for."
3. Use Your Breath
According to O'Reilly, most of us overlook one of the best weapons in our sexual arsenal: our breath. Not sure what that means? O'Reilly explains how to use your breath to its greatest and most pleasurable potential by controlling its temperature — "by exhaling slowly with a wide-open mouth to release warm air or purse your lips and breathe gently to release cool air." Once you've mastered that technique, she suggests, "Lick a line from the fourchette (the fork in the road where her lips meet at the very bottom of the vulva) to the head of the clit at the top — slowly — and then breath subtle, warm air over the wet path you’ve created!"
4. Circle Marks The Spot
Once you've built up the anticipation and driven your sex partner wild with your breath, don't blow it (pun intended) with poor clitoral technique. While everyone's vagina is different, you don't want to begin with a full-frontal assault. Or, as O'Reilly says, "Don’t press it like an elevator button!" Instead, continue teasing by "slowly [circling] your tongue around it to tease and tantalize before pressing your flat, wide tongue against it gently to allow the pressure to build."
5. Pulse For Their Pleasure
When your partner climaxes, they will experience pleasurable contractions that begin in the pelvic area and radiate out. O'Reilly says you can give them a helping hand to heighten their pleasure. "Press a wide, flat surface (for example, your tongue, the palm of your hand, or a flat, vibrating toy) against the length of her vulva or the head of her clitoris and pulse gently," she explains.
6. Keep An Open Dialog
If you really want to blow their mind, you need to know what works for your partner, so don't be afraid to ask for feedback. You may be capable of making miracles in the bedroom, but you don't have to be a mind reader. O'Reilly advises to ask simple yes or no questions while you learn what works best for them, as well as watching for the non-verbal cues, like the rhythm of their hips.
7. Train For Your Performance
If all of this sounds like a lot of work, well, yeah, it can be. But anything worth doing in the bedroom is worth doing well. Clinical Sexologist and Relationship Coach Dr. Martha Tara Lee suggests doing regular oral exercises to get your tongue in fighting form —after all, your tongue is a muscle. Because "tongue stamina is key," according to Dr. Lee, open your mouth and move your tongue up and down, side to side, and then all around. "With consistent practice over time, one can do them longer and more easily," she continues.
Well, there you have it — techniques directly from the pros. If you're still worried, I'll leave you with this advice: Techniques aside, the most important thing to remember when you go down on someone is to do it with passion, curiosity, and the desire to please. If you start there, everything else will follow. Oh, and definitely also do that circle thing. Hot!
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