Figuring out how to give someone your number at a bar can be difficult, especially if you tend to be shy or prefer to wait for them to ask for yours. I remember being at my college's local dive with my friend one evening. It was pretty quiet, and there was an attractive guy reading alone at the bar. We talked briefly before he got up to go to the bathroom and asked us to watch his stuff. I thought it would be so cute to write my number on a napkin and leave it in his book, so I got up the courage to do just that.
He never did text me, and I vowed that the next time I gave someone my number at a bar, I would make sure it went directly into their phone. In an effort to hone my flirting skills, I spoke to Alessandra Conti, a dating coach and celebrity matchmaker at Matchmakers In The City. She let me in on her tried-and-true tricks of the trade. She believes that women shouldn't be afraid to make the first move, and says that if someone doesn't end up contacting you, you shouldn't think of it as a rejection. Instead, congratulate yourself for taking a risk. Here's exactly how to give someone your number at a bar in a clear and confident way.
"If you are tired of beating around the bush and have already developed a bit of rapport ... you can go for [the ask], but you don't want to come off as being immediately in love," says Conti. She suggests dropping the hint with a question as a natural part of the conversation. So if the two of you are talking about the craft beer you're drinking, you can mention a local brewery you've been meaning to check out. Maybe it happens to be down the street and you think they should join you. Let them know how much fun that would be. Whatever your plan, during that initial conversation, you should be sure to mention the activity that you have in mind for the date.
Act confident, even if you don't totally feel that way. By having an optimistic attitude about the interaction, you'll come off as positive and self-assured. "There is nothing sexier ... than a woman who is comfortable in her own skin," says Conti. She believes that the end of a conversation is the best time to give out your number. Once you mention the specific activity, place, or event, you can then say, "It was so much fun to chat with you, but I have to run. Here, take my number." The line is casual, and it doesn't put any pressure or expectations on them. Plus, you'll leave them wanting more.
Once you have taken these steps, the ball is in their court, according to Conti. "There is no need to follow up with a text or a call. You are setting the stage for the rest of the relationship, and you deserve to be in a relationship that is 50/50. If you have asked [someone] out in person, it is now [their] turn to make the plan happen." If they're interested in going on a date with you, they should reach out. And if you do give someone your number and they don't end up texting or calling you, remind yourself that it isn't necessarily a rejection. "We have no idea what is going on in his life; maybe he is fresh out of a relationship and is still harboring a broken heart, maybe he is head-over-heels for one of his friends and can't even imagine dating another girl, or maybe he is gay," says Conti.
Whatever happens after you give someone your number, try not to get hung up on it. Instead, give yourself a pat on the back for being assertive and putting yourself out there. You go, girl.
