Getting Over Someone You Still Have To See Every Day Isn’t Impossible, An Expert Says
Dealing with a breakup is usually pretty difficult, whether you're the one doing the breaking up, or you're the one getting broken up with. But if you live together, or you're engaged, or you share a child, well, that's a different species of breakup, because your lives are so enmeshed. All these scenarios can make a breakup feel way more intense, and thus, can make it harder to get over your ex if you still have to see them on the reg. But it is totally normal to wonder how to get over someone you have to see every day, and I reached out to an expert for her take on how to do just that.
Breaking up with someone you have to see on a daily basis is seriously hard. Whether it's another member of your friend group, a coworker, a roommate, a neighbor, or anyone else you're forced to see on the reg, it's hard and scary to have to worry about how it'll feel to have to see them post-breakup. "Constantly being exposed to the person you're trying to get over makes the process of healing much harder," bestselling author and relationship expert Susan Winter tells Elite Daily. "Getting over an ex (that you must see on a regular basis) requires tremendous mental discipline, a great support system, and an ongoing faith in a better romantic future."
Now, no matter how things ended, Winter says that it's important to try and keep a safe distance between you and your ex. "If possible, it's best to avoid seeing your ex until you've gained your emotional stability," she explains. However, this obviously isn't always feasible, especially if your ex is a coworker or neighbor, so Winter also suggests some tips to make it work.
Most importantly, she says to be as ready as possible. "If you know you must see your ex, prepare in advance." How do you prepare to see your ex? If you're anything like me, you'd pound a bottle of cheap pink wine and put on your favorite mini skirt. But that might not be the best idea. Winter suggests you "Mentally rehearse your strategy for conversation and interaction." Sure, it sounds silly, but practicing how you'll act around them in the mirror might be a big help. You'll get used to saying their name out loud, and you can practice light, easy conversation topics that won't delve too deep into the details of your breakup.
Additionally, Winter also suggests looking inside to figure out what "you need to feel strong and secure." If it's a certain outfit or hairstyle, go for it. If it's letting your ex know that you've moved on, let them know! Do what you have to do to be confident in seeing your ex. Lastly, Winter says to "Anticipate the unexpected, and mentally rehearse a vast variety of outcomes." Again, practicing in the mirror isn't the worst idea, and maybe when it comes time to see your ex, you'll be so prepared that you won't feel as anxious.
As uncomfortable as it may be, dating someone in your inner circle (dating anyone, really) comes with the possibility of breaking up. But, "Being prepared to hear, learn, or see something upsetting takes away the shock, and puts you back in control," Winters says. So, practice what you'll say and prepare for the worst. It'll help calm your nerves before the inevitable, and help you keep your cool when you see your ex.
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