How I Used Dating Apps During A Blizzard To Get A Hot Guy To Bring Me Pizza
It seems like the entire world is covered in snow right now, and while that might make it more difficult to have take-out delivered to your door (I would know, I've tried), it also makes it surprisingly easy to find a snuggling or snowman-building companion. Take it from me, I'm pretty well-versed in the art of using dating apps during a blizzard.
When I lived in New York, I used any and every winter storm as an excuse to scroll through various apps and seek out fellows to meet up with in the snow. And yeah, guys often ended up blowing me off because they "lost track of time during a snowball fight" or "the governor declared a state of emergency" (#weak). But then there was John.*
John was cute, able to quote How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, and — as I would soon learn — had a Jersey accent so thick I could have knit it into a Christmas sweater. We'd been going back and forth in a dating app chat for about a week and a half when New York City got hit with a pretty bad snowstorm, and I was faced with that all-too-common dilemma of having no take-out options and nothing but a head of garlic in my fridge. But Joe had braved the snow to head to his office, so, crossing the Brooklyn Bridge to bring me pizza couldn't be too out of the way. Right?
I decided to ask him the way any Millennial would — with a series of pizza GIFs, like so.
And he actually went for it?! Here's what happened on our spontaneous pizza-eating, blizzard date.
Honestly, I hadn't expected John to say yes. So when he did, I started to hyperventilate a little. What was I thinking, asking a stranger over? To my home? During a blizzard?
Obviously, the power was going to go out and I would have to light all of my candles and John would secretly be a pyromaniac and then he would burn my entire apartment building to the ground. There were children in there. What had I done?!
After several minutes of heavy breathing, I decided to call my friend Christina and demand that she text me every hour on the hour to ensure I was still alive. We also came up with a pizza-related code. Tomato meant safety and cheese was danger.
He showed up at my door, covered in snow.
Fortunately, by the time John showed up that evening, I'd had to time to do a few meditative exercises (which, for me, means drinking a glass of wine while listening to whale sounds). My panic had largely subsided. He was a little nerdier than I'd expected and certainly did not give off the vibes of a pyromaniac or murderer. He'd also just trekked across the freezing cold city to bring me a steaming, hot, cheese pizza.
Were we married now?
I asked if he'd "accept this rose."
OK, not exactly. What I asked is if he'd be down to watch The Bachelor, because I'd missed the last couple of episodes and needed to know what Nick Viall was up to. We'd chatted about the show in previous conversations, so I knew John was a semi-fan, and he happily obliged.
He pet my head as I pretty much ate an entire large pizza and we discussed whether the ladies were there for the right reasons. He tried to kiss me a few times while we were watching, but I insisted we save that for the end of the episode (I wasn't about to miss out on any drama!).
He disappeared into the night.
After an evening of cuddling, eating pizza, and making out while The Bachelor bloopers rolled in the background, John explained that he had an early morning call and had to go. And so — as mysteriously and magically as he had appeared — John vanished into the night. It was the first and last time I ever saw him.
The moral of the story? Ask your dating app matches for pizza during a blizzard, and you shall receive.
*Name has been changed.
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