How Do You Trust Again After Being Cheated On? 7 People Reveal How They Learned To Open Up
It's no secret that being cheated on is one of the fastest ways to obliterate the trust in a relationship. And if you decide to call it quits, the worst part about moving on can be realizing that your ability to trust others has also been severely damaged. So, how do you trust again after being cheated on? Well, considering everyone processes their emotions a bit differently, sadly, there is no one-size-fits-all way to grieve. That being said, it may be a good idea to try a few different approaches at the same time and see what has the most positive impact on you personally. One thing's for certain: Learning to trust again after being cheated on is a process, and not one that can be rushed.
Also, try to remember that no matter how bad you're feeling right now or how distrusting you perceive yourself to be because of what happened, you will eventually feel better. No one can promise that you'll return to being the same person with the same capacity to trust now that you've been hurt, but you will definitely be a stronger person. And in time, you can learn to trust again. Here are some ways people have gotten over trust issues from infidelity.
1. Learn to be happy on your own.
I was single for three years after my ex cheated on me. I learned to be happy on my own. When I started dating my current SO, I did have a few flashbacks (like when he would get a text from a female friend), but as I got to know him better, I saw that he was really into me and putting in the effort to make our relationship happen. I trust him not to cheat because he has never given me a reason not to. And if he ever does cheat, I am comfortable enough with myself to know that I will be ok on my own.
2. Accept that what happened wasn't your fault.
For me it was all about realizing that it wasn't my fault. It wasn't because I didn't love her enough, or that I didn't give her enough space or whatever the slew of excuses were. It was because she was a shitty person. That for me was the hardest part to swallow because after so many years you think you know a person. Then all of the sudden that shatters around you and you cant come to grips with the fact that it was a lie.
I realized that they f*cked up and there wasn't anything else for me to do. I cut all ties after I quit working at the same place as my ex.
Once I wasn't seeing them regularly, ia bounced back. Hit the dating scene with a vengeance. Life is too short to mope around about things you can't change.
3. Try your best to forgive them, but you don't have to forget.
I think it was forgiveness. We tried to patch things up, but as they say "you can forgive, but you never forget". Trust is pretty difficult to repare once broken, especially when it is broken by the very person you trusted more than anyone. I can't say I'm completely past it, but I hold no grudge. Forgiving him helped me more than it helped him.
4. Stay busy.
It was tough as it was my first proper relationship and we were planning on moving in together. It took me about 3-4 months to stop feeling like shit. Now I'm fine, but would still feel strange seeing her in person. The funny thing is, she has tried to contact me so many times since (even messaged my best mate and my mum to try and get in contact with me). All I can really suggest is stay distracted for a while, surround yourself with loving friends
5. Let yourself feel whatever you need to feel.
It depends if you are still with the person or not. For me, we broke up when it happened. I was pretty destroyed for a while and drank a lot. Became pretty destructive towards myself. But as time goes on you just get over it. The one thing you have to remember is that it is ok to be sad, angry, upset, hurt, that's just natural and its ok. You have a right to be upset and you should be just don't let it get the best of you. I honestly think everyone should experience a broken heart at least once in their lives. It really puts things in perspective.
6. Focus on yourself.
Take some time to look at yourself. Remember what YOU like, who YOU are. I found that before he cheated on me, I had lost a lot of myself to try to keep him happy. Reclaim it. And let it grow. Try new things, meet new people, pull the people who stick by you close, and remind yourself that you are an amazing human being and deserve better, and that better is out there. It is.
Recovering from the inability to trust after a partner cheats can be so unbelievably hard, but it's definitely doable. And don't feel like you have to do it alone. Let your friends and family know what you're going through so they can give you the support you need. And remember that there is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking further help from a professional. Do whatever you feel will help you move on, and grow from the experience.
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