The concept of "the one" can be a little overwhelming, and understandably so when you realize it technically means there's only one person in the entire world you're "meant to be" with. But I like to think of "the one" as simply the person you end up with, not necessarily someone you need to actively look for. Whether you just started dating someone or you've been going on casual first dates, there's a good chance that at one point or another, you've wondered:
How do you know you've found your person? Well, the short answer is, it varies for everyone. How you know you've found your person is probably different from how your BFF Jill would know she found hers.
One way to load off the pressure? Remembering that there might not necessarily be one person for everyone. "There is no 'one' person, but more a 'perfect' type,"
Lesli Doares, couples' consultant and marriage coach at Foundations Coaching, previously told Elite Daily. "This type can change over the course of your life because we don't stay the same over the years. Different attributes might be important at different times of our lives. 'The one' embodies as many of those attributes at one time as possible — no one will meet them all." And that's OK. According to 14 Reddit users, they realized they found their person in some of the most random, simplest moments of their relationship, and I am bawling.
Read on, and grab a tissue.
Sometimes, they're the last person you would've thought you'd want to do life with.
Three days together and we both had the same feeling. Neither of us are each other’s “type” nor would I have ever “swiped right” so to speak. It’s funny because the first time we had sex, we both kept commenting about how weird it was. It was as if our souls were attracted to each other and our bodies still had to catch up to the notion. Most awkward sex ever and yet everything about it was comfortable. I knew I loved him before I even learned his middle name or birthday.
It felt different than it did with previous partners.
With all other guys I’ve dated or liked it felt like overwhelming emotions and lust. I couldn’t think straight. I thought that was what love was. With my fiancé I was pretty chill. I liked him a lot but thought straight [...]. He knew I have anxiety and accepted it. He liked my weird quirks and I could be myself around him without trying so hard like I did before. When he mentioned marriage months in (I said that how one of this best female friends is the kind of girl you’d want your son to marry, as her boyfriend's mother hates her for some reason) and he said ‘You’re the kind of girl I’d like to marry.’ I’d usually cringe and want to run for miles but it made me so happy. It just felt different from other dates and relationships.
u/Greeneyes84 I knew when I didn't mind spending all my free time with him. I have always needed time away holed up in my room when I lived with my parents or breaks from my best friends every once in awhile. I always got tired of being around my exes, and were ready for them to go home after awhile. But with my husband, it's like I couldn't spend enough time with him. We didn't do anything spectacular, just two broke people hanging out at each other's apartments every chance we got.
u/PrTYlaDY90 The relationship was just *easier* to be in and more effortless than any I had experienced in the past. We seemed to match, in how much we liked each other (and I was coming off of many more one-sided relationships), in our values, and in how we like to spend our time. We were willing to put the work in everyday to be with each other, but it wasn't a chore at all. That was all from the beginning. But I'd say it took about a year, or a year and a half to really feel secure in the relationship and know that this was my person. I hadn't had very long relationships before, so I believed people when they say the honeymoon part fades and then you have all these issues. We never got to that part, and it's felt like like an extended, secure and calm honeymoon phase for just under 5.5 years : )
They felt certainty and safety.
For me, it’s this deep rooted certainty that I can’t describe. It’s more than having love for and excitement about the person, it’s also about having complete trust and security in the relationship. I don’t have to think before I speak with him, I don’t have to ever worry that he’ll leave. I just feel it in my soul that we’re partners for life and nothing could change that. Trust me, you’ll know it when you feel it.
u/manyfrecks There’s just a feeling I have at the moment that I can only describe as ‘safe’. I spend most of my spare time with my boyfriend, but it’s not enough. I sleep next to him in bed, but I want to [be] even closer than we already are. It’s just intoxicating to be around him and it’s wonderfully scary to be so in love with someone. I would do anything for him.
u/continentaldreams We've been together four years and I have never felt this way for someone until now. Despite having physical illness and anxiety/depression, when I think of the image of his face or his smile or something he said, my chest bursts with this big warm drug-like feeling. But it's not just a feeling. It's also very meaningful... It's a deep appreciation, the utmost respect for who he is as a person. I have never felt such warmth toward a person. The way I feel toward him is the love you could have for a child, a sister, a parent, a husband, a lover, yourself, all your greatest memories, everything you ever valued or needed in life. That's the kind of love I have for him. He is the love of my life. He is like every good thing that ever existed to me. He is beautiful. He is pure to me. I feel like we are made from the same... piece. I almost don't view him as separate to myself. He is like an extension of me. But I don't view myself as pure at all. I don't know, it's so hard and weird to explain. He's not perfect. He's a flawed person like anyone. Our life is no fairy tale. We're not blissfully happy people in life at all. But he exists in my "heart," in me somewhere, in my "soul" if I have one... as this big orb of pure love and truth. I sometimes cannot even believe how I can feel this way about a person and wonder how it could happen. I was married before and thought I would be forever.. I could never anticipate this happening.
For some, it's the little things that count.
He refuses to let me carry the shopping bags when we get the groceries. When we eat fruit like cherries or blueberries together, he always makes me have the last piece. He’s the most amazing hugger. He’s supportive of women in small ways that other men I’ve dated never were — he never comments negatively on my weight or appearance or outfits, even if I ask his opinion. When I tell him problems women have that men generally don’t (being afraid of walking alone at night or similar) he never says the problems don’t exist, but tries to suggest solutions that take those limitations into consideration. In almost two years he’s never snapped at me, never lost patience, never yelled. He’s been frustrated but never nasty. He is truly the kindest and most patient man I’ve ever met. On the very rare occasions when he upsets me, he tries to fix it and I’ve seen him change his behavior if a similar situation comes up again.
u/coffeeandarabbit My relationship is relatively young compared to many other people's (under a year) but i had an 'I think he's the one' moment when we were moving in together and we purchased a dresser off Craigslist. This thing was way heavier than it looked and wouldn't fit into my car the way we initially measured it would. After two hours I was ready to give up, it was cold and I was getting hungry so I pretty much wanted to turn back and tell the seller that we'd prefer a refund. He ended up finding a super boosted way of taking it apart (safely) and we finally packed it all in and drove back to the apartment. But while he sat there taking out a screw i just thought "I can't imagine anyone else would sit out here without giving up on this for me, I love him so much"
u/FJN9 My wife and I met and started dating immediately. About six months after meeting, my mom was diagnosed with stage four cancer (three areas) and I live across the country from my home. My wife send an enormous gift basket home, at this point never meeting my mom, filled with all kinds of anti nausea remedies and treats (chemo and radiation were starting). When you find someone like my wife, who will, without thought, do something like this... you've struck hold. This was a HUGE green flag for how she'd be in our relationship and I haven't looked back since
She realized it after they had their first big fight.
The first time we fought. It was about eight months after first becoming official. Don’t get me wrong, we’d had disagreements before but they were always easily rectified. This time though? We had an acute difference in personal morals, and couldn’t come to an agreement. It turned into a shouting match, we both said things we weren’t proud of. If I’m remembering correctly, we were yelling at each other in the middle of the night, in his old Corolla. It escalated to the point that I got out of the car to walk home. I’d thrown in the towel, I was giving up on him, over a fight that only lasted, what? Four hours? Well he got out of the car too. He didn’t chase me or anything, he just told me he loved me. He apologized for not actually, truly listening to me, and he told me that he felt like he wasn’t being heard either. That’s when I knew. I’d never been with someone that actually wanted to resolve an argument like that. Before him, I was manipulated, gaslighted, and had no baseline for settling an argument in a healthy, constructive way.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
He went on holiday and I went on my sisters mini-break hen party. We struggled for phone signal and talked every day. The absence made us realize it really wasn't just a whirlwind thing and that we genuinely liked each other's company and it solidified us ready for the next stage of me part-living at his.
Even on her worst days, she still wants him by her side.
I know my fiancé is the guy for me because (as I say to my friends) if I'm going to be annoyed by one person for the rest of my life, I want it so badly to be him. Not to say that he annoys me every day — he absolutely doesn't. But even when I'm tired and grumpy, even when I'm annoyed at him, even when I just want to be left alone but he is really excited to show me a new Youtube about overclocking or extremely complicated mathematics... d*mn, I love him so much. Even the ways he irritates me makes me smile.
Sometimes, there's no one defining moment.
For me, it was when we started spending most nights a week together that I realized that we were all but living together at that point and that I'd be perfectly happy living with him forever. He has since told me that it was around this point that he had started looking for a ring. We moved in together a few months later, got engaged a few months after that, and now we're a few months from the wedding.
I'm not crying, you're crying! Let these stories be a reminder that no matter what triggers the realization, when you know, you know. That's definitely something worth celebrating.