If you're in a relationship, you will face disagreements with your partner sooner or later. It's pretty inevitable: You're not the same person, therefore you won't approach situations in the same way, and that can lead to arguments over how to handle those disagreements. These instances may lead you to question how to feel confident disagreeing with your significant other, in case you feel confused whether or not your feelings over the matter is valid.
You also may feel scared that vocalizing your concerns could lead your partner to getting even more upset with you, or worse, leaving you. These fears are normal, especially in your first couple of relationships. But once you realize how important it is to stand up for yourself and your beliefs, you'll be far less scared of the response from your partner. Plus, as you become more confident in your self-worth and your worth as a partner, you'll feel more comfortable voicing your opinions.
I spoke with Dr. Danielle Forshee, licensed clinical social worker, on ways to feel more confident when you do disagree with your partner. With these steps, you'll feel more armed and prepared next time you have a fight or disagreement with your significant other.
Give yourself a pep talk.
If you're speaking negatively to yourself about how you're wrong in this disagreement, or should just quietly let it disappear, you're not giving yourself the positivity you need.
"Most of us have quite a bit of anxiety about approaching conflict situations, and it’s important for us to have an acute awareness of the things we tell ourselves that make us feel more fearful and avoidant in approaching conflict," Forshee says.
So to combat that, tell yourself you can voice what you're feeling, you deserve to be heard, and that it's possible the partnership will grow stronger in finding a solution together.
Understand your feelings and why you're disagreeing with your partner.
Forshee recommends that you take some time to self-reflect on why you're having a disagreement with your partner. This will allow you to vocalize your thoughts clearly, since you can pinpoint exactly from where the disagreement stems.
"Take some time to reflect on what exactly is the most upsetting part of the disagreement to you," Forshee says. "Being confident in your own understanding of what you are upset about will generate confidence in approaching the situation."
Step away when emotions are too hot.
This doesn't mean to leave arguments the second they begin, but know when to step away if you're going to say something you'll regret.
"The first thing to do is avoid discussing any major disagreement or conflict in the heat of the moment when emotions are heightened," Forshee tells Elite Daily. "Reason being that when we are emotionally escalated, our brain releases stress hormones that do not allow us to have good judgment, make good decisions, have good concentration and attention, and maintain impulse control. This is why an argument can get quickly out of hand and people can say things and do things that they later regret."
Stepping back, refocusing, and coming back to your SO with a clear head will allow you to confidently convey your thoughts and feelings.
With these steps, you'll have the confidence you need to weather through arguments with your partner with your head held up high and knowing your worth.
