It seems like everyone has a profile on at least one dating app these days. No matter how many hundreds of thousands of people are on Tinder in your area, it's bound to happen eventually. If you and your ex live in the same city or town (and you're both single), you are almost guaranteed to come across their Tinder profile at some point. It's just one of those slightly cruel rules of nature. So, should you swipe right on your ex? Well, it depends. Because every couple — and every breakup — is different, there isn't one all-encompassing answer. Elite Daily spoke to two experts to find out under what circumstances you might want to reconnect with an ex over Tinder — and when you should leave the past alone.
According to Dr. Susan Edelman, a board-certified psychiatrist specializing in women's issues, it's usually better to just move on with someone new. If you truly do want to speak to or see your ex, she advises taking extreme caution. "I'd never recommend a woman swipe right on her ex," says Dr. Edelman. "If he or she wants you back, they know how to reach you." While this may be true, there are always exceptions.
Do they want to change?
There's only one situation in which you might consider getting back with your ex: if he or she contacts you, acknowledges any mistakes made, and wants to change, Dr. Edelman says. Even if this is the case, Dr. Edelman suggests not jumping back into the relationship. "It's usually best to start the dating process again from square one, taking time to figure out if he's worth another risk with your heart," she says. "Otherwise, you might not have the same goals for your relationship. Make sure he's capable of change before you get involved again."
Are you serious about reconnecting?
Krissy Dolor, Director of Client Success at eFlirt, has a slightly different view. She believes that if you're looking to rekindle things with an ex and see them on Tinder, you should feel free to swipe right. At the same time, Dolor suggests keeping in mind that if it's an option, a stronger move would be to reach out to him or her directly. "It shows that this is something you've been considering and thinking about for a while, and may up your chances of getting back together, or at least having a positive start to that conversation," she says.
Will you make the first move?
If you swipe right on your ex and the two of you match, it is then up to you to start a conversation. "Again, you need to think about your intention here," says Dolor. "If you want to get back with your ex and you match up, that's only working in your favor since there must have been a reason why she or he swiped right for you, too ... Of course, if you two broke up, there's probably a reason for that, so you should really take a look at the reasons why you want to get back together."
Are you in a good place?
If there's any chance you may just be looking for validation or going back to your ex because it's comfortable, then maybe don't swipe right. "It honestly depends on how you feel," says Dolor. "Most times, we crave going back to an ex because it's comfortable, and because we're scared of the unknown. But just because you don't know what (or who) else is out there, doesn't mean it won't be even better than what you do know (your ex)." Instead of focusing on reconnecting with an old flame, you should consider taking this opportunity to discover who you are outside of that relationship.
Do you have a clear goal in mind?
Before swiping right, you should think long and hard about why you want to start things up again with your ex. If you had a bad breakup and are looking for closure, unfortunately, you might not get it. "Your ex might not give you the closure you need, so instead, see if you can move past your relationship on your terms," says Dolor.
Maybe you stayed friends but still get flirty from time to time. According to Dolor, this could mean that you still have a connection, but it could also indicate falling back into old patterns as a couple.
If you are serious about getting back together with someone whom you had a healthy relationship with, you can try to start fresh. If your ex can clean the slate as well, you never know what might happen.
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