Relationships
People Reveal How They Found Love Again When They Thought They Wouldn't & I'm Crying
by Candice Jalili
Falling in love is a beautiful thing. Especially when it happens for the first time. Suddenly,, you meet someone who makes you feel more wonderful than you've ever felt before and it's impossible to believe that anyone else on this planet could possibly make you feel this wonderful. That is, until you breakup and you're stuck all by yourself, feeling like you'll never find love again. A recent Reddit AskWomen thread asked ladies to share their experiences of feeling like this, along with tips on how they moved forward. Read along and cling on to these rays of hope.
Realize some friendships aren't worth salvaging.
After breaking up with my first boyfriend we stayed in contact, and he seemed to be under the impression that it was my obligation to stay single so he'd have a Plan B once he was done screwing around and being a bachelor. After that friendship ended I pretty much realised the only reason I thought I'd never find anyone as good as him was because he was constantly gaslighting me into thinking so. He'd make snide comments about my appearance/weight, say I should have a more "ladylike" laugh, tell me off if I frowned or rubbed my eyes because I was going to give myself wrinkles, etc... if I complained about it he'd say something like "everyone's thinking it, I'm just the only one who cares enough to be honest", and that it was "interesting that you ignore how much I actually compliment you" or some shit. If someone else appeared to be interested in me he'd pass it off as "they just see an overweight chick and figure you're an easy lay; they're not confident enough to go for 10s" so I became distrustful of anyone who seemed to like me.
He really tried to drive a wedge between me and my now-fiance that way, but that ultimately resulted in me abandoning any thoughts of reconciliation the instant I started dating him (my fiance). I don't generally like to give up on friendships so in the back of my mind I was kind of willing to make amends if if my ex wanted to down the track. But because of his past animosity towards my fiance I knew the situation had become unsalvageable and I stopped thinking about it immediately; it was like a chain broke in my mind. I'm glad it did because our relationship is more fulfilling and less work than it ever was with my
Sometimes, someone else will come along at your lowest point.
After my second boyfriend broke up with me, I was devastated. I was going through a really rough time with anxiety and depression in the months leading up to this, and I guess it just became too much for him to handle. He broke up with me a couple days before my high school graduation.
I spent that entire summer miserable. I worked two jobs and I tried to keep busy, but the mental health problems were still there. I was counting down the days until I could leave for college, but I wasn’t optimistic about finding someone else. I’ve always been a really quiet and introverted person, so it’s hard for me to form good friendship and relationships.
When I arrived at college, I did make a few acquaintances, but didn’t really click with anyone. I was a little interested in one person I’d met, but when he met my roommate it was easy to see they liked each other, so I began to distance myself from both of them.
One night it just really hit me hard that I wasn’t making any friends or meeting anyone. I kept reminiscing about my old relationship and how great things could’ve been if I hadn’t screwed things up.
That very same night, a guy who lived on the same floor (I’d talked to him a couple times) as me asked to hang out, and the rest was history. We’ve been together for almost 2 years and I’m the happiest I’ve been in my whole life (:
It sounds cliche, but time really does heal all the wounds.
Pretty much every break up and proceeding relationship. I think depending on how things end it’s a common response but eventually that pain heals enough to slowly let someone new in that reminds you not everyone sucks. It may not always last for whatever reason but good people exist. I don’t know what you’re going through but the most beneficial and healing thing for me has been having GOOD male friends. I always had nasty, rude, sexist, degrading male friends and it made me really believe all men behaved that way. Now that I have male friends who are kind, loving, compassionate, etc it has completely changed my perspective. Even if I’m going through something or down on myself for being single I remember that guys like my friends exist and are compatible with me, I just haven’t met them yet.
Obsession isn't the same thing as love.
First love was intense and passionate, totally crazy and fit what I thought love should be. I can honestly say I'll never love someone like that again because I'll never let someone treat me like total shit again. My boyfriend now is incredible, we're also really independent, I don't feel this insecurity or obsession that made the first love so exciting (and exhausting), we just love each other in a real and deep way. It's different and that's good. Also don't give up, it took me years and a crap ton of therapy to get here.
Your life doesn't have to pan out exactly how you thought it would.
I married my college boyfriend despite an army of red flags because I was convinced he was "my person" and that I'd never have that connection with anyone ever again.
Ended up divorcing him after four years of marriage and a complete breakdown of his mental health resulting in emotional and physical abuse. Was fully convinced I'd be single, but it was better than staying.
Hopped on OK Cupid just because why not. I was bored and lonely and mostly just looking for distraction. I went on several dates, met some nice people but no one I was excited about.
Then my current SO's profile popped up. He was cute, the profile was actually well-written, and in chatting I found out we had a lot in common. We've been dating a little less than two years now and I'm so in love with him. We're buying a house, talking about getting a dog and then trying for a kid, etc. He's not perfect, but he's amazing and I'm so excited for our life together.
It's not a life I thought I'd have, and it's for sure not the man I pictured it with after all this time.
Eventually, you'll understand why it didn't work out.
I genuinely thought my first boyfriend was "the one." Unlike a lot of exes of the respondents here, he was and still is one of the best people I know. Intimidatingly smart, ceaselessly kind, fantastic listener. When we broke up I thought I'd never be okay again. We didn't talk for a year.
Now, we are very close friends. We were decent together, but our personalities aren't very compatible for a host of reasons that are obvious now.
I had a couple of mediocre/shitty boyfriends since, so I was pretty down about it. But my current SO is, aside from a couple of bumps in the road, so much more compatible with me. He just has this incredible ambition and he makes me laugh all the time and treats me like a queen, and I know that even if we do break up--heaven forbid--I know that there's always hope for me.
Moving forward from heartbreak can be difficult, but let these stories serve as your proof that it will eventually happen.
Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.
Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!
