Do Partners Care If Your Room Is Messy? The Answer Might Surprise You

by Korey Lane

Not everyone is organized and finds peace of mind in cleaning their apartment on a daily basis. In fact, some folks are quite the opposite, and find comfort in their own version of "clean." If you prefer clutter to perfectly polished countertops, there's nothing wrong with that. It's your space, after all. But if you're actively dating, and bringing said dates home at the end of the night do you ever ask yourself, "Do partners care if your room is messy?"

Honestly, when I was dating and would invite a guy over for the first time, I spent so much time deep cleaning my apartment, scrubbing the bathroom, and making my bed. I wanted to impress him, and I think that's fair. But, after speaking to experts on the matter, I definitely think that it's not as big of a deal as I'd thought.

As licensed professional counselor and marriage and family therapist, Nicole Richardson tells Elite Daily, it's nice if you can show your partner who you really are. "I think it is important to be authentic," she says. "If you are naturally tidy and organized then be that, if you are naturally a bit of a mess then be that. While it is important to be considerate and try to make people comfortable when they are your guest, it is also important for your partner to know who you truly are."

That's nice, but does your partner actually care about the cleanliness of your place?

For Thomas Edwards, founder of The Professional Wingman, cleanliness shouldn't be something you stress over in the beginning. "I feel the only time caring really comes into play is when there’s discussion about possibly moving in together, in which that becomes a bigger concern if one person doesn’t keep their space clean," Edwards tells Elite Daily.

So if you're in a relatively new relationship, then odds are, your partner doesn't care too much about how clean your room is. Richardson agrees with this, telling Elite Daily, "For some, being messy can cause anxiety and for others, there is nothing interesting about it one way or the other." Whether or not you're messy is totally your prerogative. However, some people could take issue with a space that's too dirty.

If your partner doesn't want to visit because your room is too dirty (or too clean, even), then ask them about it. A lot of couples will try and impress each other at first, and then as time goes on, they relax a little.

Edwards sees no issue with this. "As one becomes comfortable around their partner, they can do the equivalent of 'letting their hair down' as long as it doesn’t get out of control," he says. Just make sure that you're being honest with your partner. If you hate cleaning, then tell them that and let your space get a little cluttered every now and then. If you're more like Monica Geller from Friends, and you feel like every surface must be spotless, always, then tell them that, too. A good partner will love you for who you are.

At the end of the day, your room is an expression of who you are. While it doesn't always have to look perfect, it's important to remember that your partner might consider it a sneak peek into who you are as a person.

"It’s a peek into how you treat yourself and your life when no one is looking," Edwards says. "Your room state is essentially a current status of how your life IS, not looks. And if you put that much care into keeping your space together, it can show how much care you put into other parts of your life."

If you've found a partner who really cares about you, then they probably won't care if your room is messy. On the other hand, though, it can't hurt to tidy up a bit if you have time. It will show that you care about your space, and might even make you feel better, overall. A clean room makes a big difference, so don't knock it until you try it!

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