The eternal relationship conundrum: to befriend or not to befriend an ex. The amount of debates I've gotten into over this question really is unbelievable, and naturally, there is no "right" answer. In a prefect world where everyone has the tools and emotional maturity to process their feelings, the idea of cutting someone you used to love out of your life just because a romantic relationship didn't work out might seem totally outlandish. But at this point, it seems like so many of us are total nay-sayers when asked —
can you really be friends with an ex?
And while I frequently find myself mentally flip-flopping on my opinion, in the end I think it really just depends on the people involved and the catalyst for the separation.
Remaining friends with an ex when the decision to separate was mutual is a completely different ball game than if one of you cheated, which is also different from remaining friends with an ex you dated for three months as opposed to six years. To get a bit more input on the subject, I took to reddit to hear why some people choose to remain friends (or not) with an ex.
These people are totally for it.
Friends with all of them I think. And by "I think" I mean, I like them and am somewhat sure they don't hate me. Just takes some time without any contact, then everything seems to be all good. Then again, I've never had hardcore drama one way or the other with ladyfriends.
u/brofessor_ I'm friends with my exes from longer relationships, basically because we like each other so much but has no love left/didn't work out as a couple. One of my exes are acctually one my best friend now, and we got really close after breaking up (and some healing time) bcause we already knew each other so well. We're at that point that we can tell each other everything, and we ever talk about our new relationships/ONS and can be really forward like "you should definately cut your hair/that jacket make you look freaky". My boyfriend after him couldn't really handle it, but I thought I'm not going to loose one of my best friends because the guy I just started to have feelings for is acting like an idiot. I agreed to start seeing the ex less often, but I'd never end contact.
u/Staaldrigstill Yes. I'm still friends with a girl that I loved, lost my virginity to, and then subsequently cheated on me at an orgy, and didn't even have the decency to invite me. She later married an ex of hers, had a baby, and then divorced cheating ass. We get along fine and do karaoke from time to time. Neither her wife nor my fiancée are threatened by the fact that we dated the better part of a decade ago. I still give her shit about the orgy thing. Can't let her live that one down. It's a laugh at this point for the two of us. We were both immature, young. his She's still got a great sense of humor and we get along really well, but we're best off as friends.
These people are totally against it.
I've tried (to an extent) with each and every girlfriend I've had and it's always failed or ended up in more pain for one of us. With each break-up there were different circumstances as well, IE I've been the dumper or being the dumpee, it just never works out in the end. I know some people can do it but honestly I think it's easier leaving things and moving on, they're in your past and you have to move on and build a future.
u/baconhammock69 Dude, this is 99% of the time a bad idea. Go no contact if possible. No matter what anyone says or believes the little fantasy/thought of "Maybe we could get back together..." is always in the back of your heads and the whole friendship gets weird quick.
u/enginstudent96 Don't be friends with someone you used to f*ck. It's a huge red flag to new potential partners, no matter how much they say it isn't. And shit can absolutely happen and feelings can come back. Especially if you're upset with your current partner. If the ex is so important you'd still be together. Save everyone a lot of potential heartbreak including yourself. It's not worth it.
When it comes down to it, there really is no hard and fast rule about whether remaining friends with an ex is a good or bad idea. Staying friends is definitely possible, but to ensure that a friendship is the healthiest decision for everyone involved, it's important to take both of your feelings about the matter into account.
Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!