If you watched the sixth season of Bachelor in Paradise, get comfortable in your seat, because I'm about to spill some major tea. What is this tea I speak of? Blake Horstmann's quote about leaking Caelynn Miller-Keyes' texts, of course. During Horstmann's appearance on Rachel Lindsay and Ali Fedotowsky's podcast Bachelor Happy Hour on Sept. 17, he opened up about what was going through his head when he decided to release his R-rated texts with Miller-Keyes.
"Caelynn, you know, she used the word premeditated. And, premeditated is just a fancy way of saying I thought really hard about it, because I did. It was such a hard decision for me," Horstmann told Fedotowsky and Lindsay. "That night, when I released those text messages, I was breathing into a paper bag. It was incredibly difficult for me."
Horstmann also admitted that he was having a super difficult time with the backlash he got after deciding to share his private messages with the world. I'd go so far as to say he sounded like he was genuinely upset. “One of the reasons I deleted the text messages was I was having a complete breakdown. I was breathing into a paper bag," he said. "All of a sudden, I took a step back [and] I was like, ‘Caelynn’s feeling this way probably.’ And that killed me. I was like, ‘What I’m feeling right now?’ I just [hurt] somebody else, and that hurt, and that sucked."
That being said, Horstmann wasn't exactly taking full responsibility for his actions. He even went so far as to blame other Bachelor Nation stars for not stopping him. "A lot of people, they didn’t even really say, 'No, don’t do it.' They were like 'If you do it, know what the consequences are'... and there were a few that were like, 'The things she’s saying, you have to do it. I don’t see any other choice,'" Horstmann claimed. "I wanted to see if anybody else had any other ideas. I wanted to see if there was any other avenue I could take. And at the end of the day, as hard as it was, I felt like that was the only thing I could do to get my truth out there."
He also confirmed that, if he had known what she was saying while on the show, he might have done things a little differently. "Had I known that she said I was silencing her and all of these things, I would have addressed it on the beach with her," he said. "But I had no idea she was saying those things. And, so when I watched it, I was shook... I was shocked. I couldn’t believe it. I just couldn’t believe she was saying the things she was saying."
For those of you who missed the fact that Horstmann decided to release his private texts with Miller-Keyes, let me give you a little refresher. On Aug. 6, Horstmann decided to take to Instagram to explain, in a series of screenshots taken of notes on his iPhone's Notes app, that he felt like his side of the story was wrongly portrayed when it came to his relationship with Miller-Keyes. He released texts from a contact named Caelynn that asked for a casual, physical relationship, along with the caption:
"I was not able to defend myself down in Paradise, because me and most of the beach had no idea the things Caelynn was saying in her interviews," he wrote in one of the screenshots. "I NEVER 'sweet talked' her at Stagecoach. Caelynn and I were NEVER in a relationship. I NEVER ghosted Caelynn, I NEVER called her a mistake and I absolutely NEVER EVER EVER silenced Caelynn. I never expected to have to do something like this, but after finally seeing the episodes I feel like I have no other choice but to release the text exchanges between her and myself."
Hmmm... I feel like you did have other options dude, but maybe that's just me.