Dogs are truly the best creatures on the planet, too pure for this world and yet somehow I cannot imagine this world without them in it. There are lessons your dog can teach you that your human friends just can't, you know, since dogs are better than humans. If dogs could text, they would do so using entirely exclamation points, and would literally never, ever leave you hanging. They would text you back so f*cking fast it would blow your tits right off. You'd be like, "does this dog have a life outside of me?" And the answer would be no, and you'd be fine with that. Dogs teach us that being the most enthusiastically thirsty friend is nothing to be ashamed of.
They live in the moment, for the moment, by the moment — so much so that they seem to barely have any concept of time. It feels like they do, because every time you come home they act like they haven't seen you in a decade- but no. That's just how happy they are to gaze at your ever-loving face. They care more about the sheer joy of chasing squirrels than I do about my life-long dreams. I have two dogs and I live in New York City, having vastly overestimated the amount of pets I could handle. But not a day goes by that I regret my decision.
These are all the lessons your dogs can teach you that your human friends just can't.
Sometimes It's OK To Go So Hard You Barf By Accident
Listen, we've all had moments where we forget the consequences of overextending ourselves. We eat until we can't move, or we have six burritos and then jump on a trampoline. We're so busy drinking and eating up life experience our bodies just can't take it, and therefore pukes that life experience right back up. The important thing is not to beat yourself up about it. Look at this dog, f*ckin so hard he ralphs all over his partner. Does he feel shame about the overzealous mess he makes? No. He eats it off the floor.
There Is No Such Thing As Too Much Excitement
Sometimes it's hard to express our sheer joy when we see our friends, or when the person we're into finally texts us back. We don't want to seem like we aren't the cool-ass b*tch we pretend to be all the time. Why though? I mean does it feel bad when someone is excited to see you as your dog is? No. It feels great. Open your heart and jump for joy if you feel like it, because you're making other people feel good too, and that's what life is about.
Forgiveness Isn't Hard
You know when you're having an insanely busy day and you're rushing and going a million miles an hour, and you forget to feed your dog? Does he or she retaliate by hating you for a month? No. Why not? Because dogs don't have the time for it, they're busy being happy. If a dog doesn't have time to fit resentment into their busy schedule of licking their own asses all day long, then guess what? Neither do you. You have a job. Stop filling your calendar with negativity.
Eat Sh*t, If That's What You're Into
This is a metaphor obviously, and I hope no one was just waiting for random permission to go out and eat a pile of sh*t. The point I'm trying to make is, dogs are not afraid to be disgusting slobs, and neither should you. So much of life is just trying to appear to have it all together, to the point that keeping up appearances can be even more exhausting than the effort it takes to actually show up for work. You aren't a perfect person. So what. Perfect people are of no use to anyone. We have nothing to learn from them.
Bad Haircuts Really Aren't A Big F*cking Deal
Do you know how present you have to be, how confident you must feel inside, to be able to get your haircut with your eyes closed? Who cares about a haircut when you are an infinite being of light and positivity without a trace of ego? In fact, the only person who cares about your hair IS your ego, and your ego isn't a person. So next time you get a shitty haircut, remove your ego from the situation and laugh at yourself the same way you would laugh if your dog had a sh*t haircut. You know it's gonna grow out anyway.
