In the borderline eternity I’ve been on this planet — I’m 29, suckers! — I’ve rarely made the first move, verbal or otherwise. I admire my female friends who have no trouble approaching a person they find cute. I even admire the men who have approached me with grating pick-up lines about falling from heaven and/or the color of my eyeballs. It’s hard to approach a stranger! Of all the places from my past life that I wish I could have hit on a cutie, I would choose to go back to college to figure out how to approach someone in the library. That is because a university library may be the all time best spot to perform some pickup artistry.
This is a bold declaration, but let me have this: College was the time in my life that I was around the largest concentration of cute-smarties-who-had-things-in-common-with-me. The odds of finding someone I'd get along with were simply higher. Plus, if I saw a cute person studying in the library during finals week, I already had a lot of information about them that I found attractive — I could assume they were studious, ambitious, and probably pretty smart. Who doesn’t want a studious and smart human to date and be with forever and ever? (Caveat: I admit that I am a bit of a nerd.)
During finals week in college, I specifically remember going to the library and being surprised at how many people I didn't know went to my school. (I went to Boston College, where we had a small campus, but like 9,000 undergrads.) During the semester, I would get used to seeing the same groups of people over and over — friend groups, social groups, class groups — but then, I would go to the library in the final weeks of the year and my mind would be blown! It was a magical place full of new faces! New potential lovers! New friends, even!
But alas... there is one major factor working against someone like me, who is too timid to use a pickup line, in a library: Everyone sits quietly. Plus, there's no sip of beer to help you feign confidence. In thinking about the kinds of pickup lines I would like to have used on the cute-smarties I saw in the library during my college years, I made sure to avoid lines that would sound creepy when whispered (see: intense librarians), and included some very easy lines that are borderline not obvious pickup lines for those of you who just want to dip your toes in the pool.