7 Thirst Trap Instagram Captions For Christmas & Hanukkah, Cause You Sleigh

I am almost too old to be familiar with what a "thirst trap" is. As in, I'm on the end of the Gen Y spectrum that knows what millennial pink is, but when I crowd-sourced college friends for "thirst trap" captions, even the 300+-likes-per-'gram club needed a bit of clarification on the term. (Shout out to Mod 18, BC 2010.) A "thirst trap" is a targeted post designed to show off your hot self, and 'tis the season for festive thirst trap Instagram captions.

Still with me? Great. Now let me disclaim some rules about posting a holiday thirst trap that I feel very strongly about: First: No Instagram albums featuring you three or more times in a row. Even if you have friends in each photo, it's going to be obvious that you casually adjusted the filter to benefit your face in all three pics. You are not going to look cute-thirsty, you are going to look narcissistic-thirsty. Hard pass.

Second: No "All I want for Christmas is you" captions; you're better than that.

Third: If posting a thirst trap featuring you and you alone looking hot as f*ck — which I totally support — note that your trap is not subtle, and a tongue-and-cheek caption is a good look so as not to seem conceited.

Also, festive props are encouraged. Finally, here your captions:

1. "I sleigh."


To be used interchangeably with "sleighing," syntax dependent. This is a light touch caption that summons some innuendo, without you begging for the D or V. Expert use of this caption might accompany a photo of you looking hot, but in fact not sleighing — i.e. a "cookie-making fail" in which you are covered in flour, looking at your weak cookies in a wistful-sultry way, but also wearing sexy apron that displays your tights-less legs. Effortless, for sure.

2. "Menorah's lit. So am I."


To be used on the final night of Hanukkah, so as to maximize candle lighting effects. Also, sadly, people are more likely to text you if they think you're a bit tipsy so, hence the "lit."

3. "Forget Rudolph, I'm Vixen"


This is on the extra end of the thirst trap caption spectrum, but I dig it. After all, if you're posting a photo designed to get some DMs, why not be shameless about it. Hot tip: the ideal prop here is not, in fact, reindeer ears, but instead, an actual reindeer — or yard decoration version.

4. "Santa, baby, hurry down my chimney tonight."


Another pretty blatant cry for attention, but it's 2017 and women can do whatever the f*ck we want. To make it topical: "Hurry down my chimney tonight if you've never sexually harassed a woman." WILL 2018 BE BETTER?

5. "I'm thirsty."


This would be my move: I would make sure I looked extra hot, and extra trying-too-hard, and then I would be holding a giant mug of eggnog and simply caption the post: "I'm thirsty" or even, "thirst trap." Because irony is chill. Seriousness is boring.

6. "Not dry, but ready to play."


Here's the thing: you must be holding a dreidel for this to work. Here's the other thing: holding a beverage, maybe even a robust glass of wine, will suggest that you are not dry because you are drinking/drinking a non-dry wine, rather than suggesting that your nether regions are "not dry" because that's a little much for Insta.

7. "Secular seduction."


This is, admittedly, a bit of a wild card riffing on a throwback Snoop Dogg song title. I believe it requires the hashtag "#festivus" to really work, but I'm pretty sure I'm into it for a December 23rd post. I also think this caption could work if you are looking hot between your two friends who are overly dressed up in Christmas and/or Hanukkah ugly sweaters while you are sporting something totally low-key and nondenominational.

Remember, the more overtly seductive captions above could work even better if you add them to a photo where you, in fact, look pretty terrible. In that "I am in the midst of cracking up but still look kind of cute," way. Because a super thirsty caption with a super thirsty photo is just too much. OK, now that that's settled, I will leave it up to you to decide what level of thirst you are looking to portray, but no matter which caption you choose, tag me in it! (And now, I'm officially thirsty for credit. Alas.) Happy Festivus, friends!

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