Choosing to have casual sex is just as empowering as choosing not to because, in both situations, you are completely in control of your sex life. Too often, the narrative of the sexually liberated woman is one where she's just as eager to have one-night stands as some of her male counterparts. That's great and all (yay, equality) but it suggests that single women staying celibate aren't living their best ~feminist~ lives.
I've been single for about a year and a half now and yes, I've had casual hookups but I've learned that they're not really my thing. Don't get me wrong. I love flirting with people and going on dates when I'm single. I just don't feel the need to sleep with any of these people, at least until I have a clearer idea of what sort of relationship we're entering into. Are we friends with benefits? Are we seeing each other but not exclusively? Are we working toward a relationship? It's not that I need us to be committed but I do need to know what's going on. I know. I know. It's super Type A but what can I say? I am who I am.
The thing that irks me about casual hookups outside of these definitions is how sh*tty people can be about it. Like, if I'm getting a bikini wax for this, you can at least try not to be a jerk. Need me to decode that? Sure. Don't flake on our plans to get drinks and then send me a midnight "U up?" text. Just doesn't do it for me.
Other single women have their own reasons for preferring to be celibate and they're equally as justifiable.
When I was single I would often go 6+ months without having sex. I never understood the appeal of casual sex; if I wouldn't want to have sex with a guy every day, why would I want to have sex with him once? Occasionally I'd find someone I liked and go on a few dates and have sex, but realise it wasn't working.
When I was single, never. To be blunt, the risks of sex outside of a relationship are just too high for me.
I’m single and my friends keep telling me what a great time it is to go out and have casual hookups. I feel embarrassed about the fact that I couldn’t do that if I tried. That stuff has just never worked for me. I can’t just “pick up” at will. I’m not being hard on myself, it’s just always been that in a room full of people, i’m the last option that men would notice. I get a bit frustrated and sad when my other single, female friends talk about choosing to be single or choosing not to date/hookup for a while, because it’s not a choice for me. They keep talking about it in terms of “you’ll have casual sex with X amount of people until you get into your next relationship”, but I know that no, I will most likely just not have sex for a couple of years.
— Droceh
When I’m single, never. I used to have a FWB but I developed feelings and that was bad and we had to quit. And normally, I try not to have sex with someone I’m seeing until we’re actually bf/gf because for me, it’s a very emotional thing. The way I put it to my friends, I essentially become asexual. I’m rarely sexually attracted to people and it’s usually only when I become comfortable in a relationship. This has come after many young and dumb one night stands. I don’t regret them, but it’s not something I’d do any more.
When i was single for a year, i had a ONS once and it was am awful experience so i stayed celibate until my next relationship. I find casual sex to be difficult to enjoy with all the risks and lack of attraction. If I'm attracted to the guy (needs to be in more ways than just physically) I'd just date him. If I'm not, I wouldn't fuck him. So as a result, I only fuck in relationships.
I'm not here to tell how to live your life. If you find yourself talking to some random hottie at the bar, I'm all for you treating yourselves to a bathroom quickie. I'm also not opposed to you texting that girl you had a crush on in high school just because you happen to be visiting her college town for a few days. To that, I say, "Carpe diem!" Sleep with whomever you want, whenever you want (always with their consent, of course). Just know that if you choose not to sleep with other people because you'd rather be in a relationship or spend some time alone, that's OK, too.
Quotes have been edited and condensed for clarity.
