As a living, breathing member of society, three of the most important things to me are as follows: sleeping, Halloween, and puns. All of these things have the power to awaken my cold, dead heart if used correctly, and if I were to combine any of them, I'd probably be pretty f*cking happy. (What can I say? I'm easy to please.) So as you could probably assume, coming up with punny couples' costume ideas for Halloween is where my true calling lies. You're all welcome in advance.
Honestly, if these costumes don't help you and your partner win literally every costume contest you enter, I would like to formally apologize on behalf of the people judging those contests, who clearly don't have a punny bone in their body. Sad! But if you do win those contest, just don't forget about the lowly plebeians (i.e. me) who helped you get there. (And also don't forget to Venmo me at least 30 percent of all cash prizes you guys win. Thank you.)
Anyway, without further ado, here are seven of the absolute punniest Halloween costumes that you can do with a couple. Because a couple who makes super dumb jokes together stays together.
Person 1: Rasta Imposta Lightweight Salt Costume, $23, Amazon
Person 2: Hair Black Mustaches, $5, Amazon
Of course we're gonna begin closing out 2017 with one of the first memes of 2017: Salt. F*ckin'. Bae. But this one requires a bit more than just a white t-shirt and a fake mustache.
Basically, one of you will be Salt, and the other will be Bae. Luckily for Salt, there's a handy-dandy salt costume you can buy on Amazon. But if you're pinched for cash like I am because you spend too much money that you don't have on things you definitely do not need (lol, oops), then you can just throw on a white t-shirt, draw a big S on it, and call it a day.
As for whoever decides to be Bae, your life is a little easier. All you need is a white scoop-neck shirt (NOT a V-neck — this is a very important distinction), some sunglasses, and a fake mustache if you don't already have a real mustache. Stand next to each other the whole night, and Bob's your uncle — you guys are the saltiest baes around.
Forum Novelties Women's The Haunted Adult Ghost Costume, $31, Amazon
Now, if you and your partner are literally the laziest couple around (#relatable), then this punny couples costume is literally perfect for you guys. Not only is it a pun, but it's a Halloween pun, and if you're still not happy with that, then IDK what more you want from me.
Basically, all you and your boo thang (I'm sorry) have to do is throw plan white sheets over your head, cut out some holes for eyes, and walk around whatever Halloween party you're at doing the Most PDA you ever have. I'm talking the movie kind of romantic sh*t that high-key makes half of people vomit and the other half of people cry alone in their bed at night. Have a sign that says #CoupleGhouls in case some lame peasants out there don't get the PUNNY JOKE (and also, re-evaluate your friendship with those who don't).
BUT if a simple white sheet isn't ~Instagrammable~ enough for you, there's a much ~trendier~ ghost costume available on Amazon for the price of probably one of my Seamless orders.
Witch Hat Costume Accessory, $14, Amazon
UGG Women's Classic Short II Winter Boot, $160, Amazon
Premium Ultra Soft Leggings High Waist, $8, Amazon
This costume is so easy, I could literally do it with my eyes closed because I am just naturally #Basic through and through. Seriously, I wake up with over half of those things in the tweet above just attached to my body somehow. IDK how it happens. It just does. Don't @ me.
Anyway, all you and your partner have to do is dress up with a bunch of the #basic staples: black leggings, UGG boots, have a ~trendy~ phone case, a Michael Kors watch (not necessary, but definitely helps), and hold a Pumpkin Spice Latte in your hands. Then, to make the pun complete, you and your partner just have to throw on some old-school, pointy witch hats. If you're feeling extra creative (which you should be — you're punny!!!), you can paint your face green and give yourself a big, fake mole on your nose.
Person 1: Halloween Pumpkin Costume, $11, Amazon
Person 2: Pumpkin Pi Halloween Shirt, $17, Amazon
Remember how, in math class growing up, March 14 was like, the best, punniest day of the whole year because it was "Pi Day" (Pi, or π, is the number 3.14, with a bunch of other decimal places after that), so everyone would eat themselves into a diabetic coma on actual pie? OK, if you don't remember, you're just gonna have to trust me on this one.
For this punny AF couples costume, we're adding a fall twist: PUMPKIN Pi. Basically, one of you will dress up in a pumpkin costume, or just wear all orange with a green hat if you're not looking to drop $11. Then, the other person has a few of options: wear the nifty "Pi" shirt from Amazon linked above, cut the shape of the Pi out of cardboard and wear it around your neck, or just wear all black and tape a piece of paper to your chest with the actual number Pi listed to as many decimal places as you want.
Person 1: Rubie's Men's Taco Costume, $27, Amazon
Person 2: Disney Women's Classic Beauty Costume, $37, Amazon
"Who needs a Prince or Princess Charming when you literally have tacos?" is what I always say. You can pun it up in this costume with a couple or totally solo, as seen in the tweet above, so don't come crying to me with a sob story about how your partner just broke up with you on Halloween, and now, your punny AF Taco Belle costume is ruined. Because it's not. But anyway.
Literally do not pay attention to the genders associated with those costume names. Anybody can be Belle, and anybody can be a damn taco. TBH, you and your partner should be fighting over the taco costume, because it's probably the most comfortable.
Smiffy's Ghost Costume, $24, Amazon
Ah, yes, the dating ~trend~ we all literally hate and speak out against that STILL rears its ugly head in pretty much all of our lives: ghosting. Odds are, if you've ever dated a lot, you've probably run into the whole ghosting phenomenon. Maybe you've been ghosted. Maybe you've done the ghosting. But have you made a punny couples costume out of it? I think not.
This one is very, very, very simple. One of you simply needs to throw the typical white sheet over your head and cut out eye holes. (But if you're too scared of ruining a nice, white sheet, there's an actual ghost costume linked above. The other person simply needs to wear whatever they want, but they should attach a bunch of screenshots of unanswered texts to them (preferably with "read receipts" under them).
Does everyone at the party hate you because you totally won the punniest costume award? Or does everyone hate you because you're inadvertently reminding them of a painful emotional experience? Who knows. Anything for the pun, though, amirite?
Person 1: Foam Buns, $7, Amazon
Person 2: Adult Cell Phone Costume, $70, Amazon
If you've never, ever gotten a bonafide "u up?" text in your life, you're... really lucky and also not alone because I haven't either. Still, that doesn't mean you and your partner can't make this iconic text into the *cue Kanye voice* GREATEST COUPLES HALLOWEEN COSTUME OF ALL TIME.
Now, as you might've guessed because you're intuitive AF, one of you has to be the booty, and the other has to be the call. But "booty" person has a slight Halloween twist: You're also a ghost. Get it? Boo-ty? "Boo," like what ghosts say when they scare you? Did I just do a pun within a pun? Where's my trophy?
"Boo-ty" can basically just throw an old sheet with eye holes cut out over them, and then, they can tie the fake butt linked above around the outside of their sheet. How fun! Whoever dresses up as the "call" part of this can purchase this handy-dandy cell phone costume linked above. Then, in the space where a message would be displayed, just tape a piece of paper that says, "u up?" Voila! You two will kind of look like *ssholes, but punny *ssholes.
Do you have any other punny costumes you've thought of or seen yourself? Well, don't hide that wealth! Spread it! Comment that ish below!
