I f*cking love crushes. Pardon my immediate French, but that's how strongly I feel about them. (Also, anything remotely French is sexy, so let's go with it.) There's nothing like a healthy crush to make every other semi-crappy part of day-to-day life more... un-crappy? But seriously, it's been a minute since I've had a big crush, and I'm thirsty for one. If you are newly crushing, now is the optimal time to think of flirty texts to send to that someone you just met.
Since I am crush-thirsty but sans cutie, I've decided to brainstorm some good texts for you to send to that new person at work. Or that Bumble date that was super promising. Or maybe the hot hipster sitting across the coffee shop from me will make eyes with me and give me his number despite my post-hot-yoga attire. (Yes, I'm gross. No, he's definitely not going to come within five feet of me. Also, since when am I attracted to hipsters? Cool.)
I personally think the best part about texting a cutie you just met is the waiting game. I can hear you say, "What a masochist!" — but before you protest, hear me out. Waiting to get a reply from your new crush has all of the thrill, but none of the drama that waiting for a text from someone you are actually dating has.
Plus, the possibility of getting butterflies from an incoming text at any point in your day makes any mundane chore exciting. (Ugh, I really wish you could see me squirming in my seat just thinking about having a crush again. Going to swipe on Bumble now...) In the meantime, here are some flirty texts for you to send to new boo:
1. An Emoji Puzzle (Like This One)
Translated as: "Hey, you plus me equals beers? I like pumpkins." You don't necessarily have to explain why you made you and your crush farmers, because chances are they'll make a funny about it since you have been vibing so much. Get creative, and always remember, the ghost emoji = boo.
2. "Hi, I'm Buzzed."
OK, so disclaimer: I love flirtmoji-ing, so I'm going to include emojis in many of these text ideas. While I am not suggesting you text "HELLO I'M A DRUNK MESS," sharing a little information about your lowered inhibitions with a crush can lead to some fun texts. Just make sure you're not sending this at 9 A.M. on a Monday. (If you don't drink, try adding the coffee emoji?)
3. "Big Spoon Or Little Spoon? Asking For A Friend."
So this one might work a little better if you've already kissed, but if not, you can just pretend that you are polling the masses like I often do for the articles I write. Or be bold and see what your crush sends back. Hopefully it's "any [spoon emoji] as long as it's next to you."
4. "[Name], I Have A Movie/TV Recommendation For You."
And then maybe don't send them the rec until they text back? Or do? Either way, it's a bit unsolicited, but if you and your crush are in the wee stages of flirtation, this is an easy way to say "hey, I like talking to you and I'm making an excuse to do so right now." Transparency is OK, in fact, it will probably flatter them.
5. "[Eggplant Emoji]"
Is this, perhaps, a way to reclaim the dick pic? Or maybe it's just a way to see how funny your crush is? You could ask them, "What's the first thing that comes to your mind when I send you this emoji?" Or, are you more of an [insert eggplant emoji] or [insert cucumber emoji]?" This is v suggestive, and definitely not a text you would send to a platonic friend...
6. "Want To Go See [Insert Band Here] With Me?"
A concert invite is that weirdly casual but also weirdly intimate date that is good for friends and crushes alike. If you're not sure how your crush feels about you, this is a great way to find out.
7. "I'm Sorry, Did You Just Say Something To Me?"
OK, so I'm going to be real honest here: I haven't tried this one out via text. However, when your crush inevitably says, "no haha, what?" you can reply "well you should..." (On second thought, I feel like the upside down smiley emoji is a giveaway, so maybe skip that part.)
There you have it. Seven flirty texts to fire off right now, ranging from overtly sexual to barely friendly. Definitely let me know how these flirty texts go over with your crush, so I can live through you a little bit longer.
Unfortunately, that cutie across the coffee shop is long gone, but my phone has a bunch of new, flirty texts on it!!! It's just that they are all to me, from me. Picture this: I had to send an eggplant to myself in order to screenshot the above visual aids, and when I uploaded it to my laptop an older gentleman walked by and gave me a "look."
*sigh* Someday I'll crush again.
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