When you are in a really great relationship, it's natural to wonder where it's going, and to ask yourself if your SO is "The One." The answer could definitely be yes, especially if you really feel like the two of you are a team who could make it through any challenge. However, is the fact that you are in a comfortable and generally positive relationship a guarantee that you'll head down the aisle? If not, is there some way to tell the difference? Are there signs your relationship won't result in marriage, even if it's a great one?
To answer that question, I reached out to the experts who all agree that there is a difference between a good relationship and the right relationship when it comes to marriage potential. "It’s possible for a really great relationship to not be destined for marriage. There are different kinds of love or relationships that a person may experience in his or her lifetime," Celia Schweyer, a dating and relationship expert at DatingScout.com, tells Elite Daily. "Just because it was great doesn’t mean that it is the kind of relationship that would last forever."
So, what's the difference? According to Charese L. Josie, a licensed clinical social worker, it's not the good times, but rather the hard times that will show whether or not a relationship is built to last. "There are great people that can form great friendships, but it does not mean the relationship can also withstand the challenges of marriage. People need to understand the difference between a great person, a great friendship, and factors that can lead to a great marriage," she tells Elite Daily.
With all that said, here are the signs your relationship may not lead to marriage, according to the experts.
“Marriage is not just a relationship, but a partnership,” says Schweyer. For a relationship to transition into marriage, it's important that you are on the same team and share the same values, she adds. “If in your relationship you already have contradicting views and values, and you can’t find yourselves to compromise, what more when you get married?”
There is one big difference between a great relationship and a marriage, and it's that the point of one often is to last a lifetime. This means that, in a marriage, both parties have to be on the same page about the big things in life, says Schweyer. “There are a lot of decisions you need to be aligned with your partner in order to have a harmonious marriage life, may it be about kids, faith, life goals, finances, etc.,” she explains. “These pictures need to be aligned and you should make these hard compromises before and not after. If that feat seems impossible for the both of you, you might have to reevaluate your relationship.”
When your partner talks about the future, are you a part of the vision? Or is it more about what they plan to do? If it's the latter, Crystal Rice, a licensed graduate social worker and therapeutic consultant, tells Elite Daily that's a sign that this relationship is not headed for marriage. “It's the excessive use of the 'I' and not the 'we', that will tip you off,” says Rice. “If your partner is thinking about you two as a unit, and is constantly making plans without your input, you are in a ‘right now’ relationship, not a ’til death do us part’ one.”
Even in a great relationship, there are usually times where the two of you need to have hard conversations and work through issues. “[If] you both shy away from anything in the relationship that may cause discomfort such as having a healthy disagreement or having hard discussions about topics such as extended family dynamics, finances, etc.,” Josie warns this is an untenable situation over the long run, which means it's also a relationship that, while fun, is not built to last.
How well do you and your partner get along with each other’s respective families? Josie warns a toxic dynamic with your SO’s family could be a sign that this relationship won’t lead to marriage. “If one person has turmoil with their partner's parents, siblings, extended family, and friends, this typically means the relationship will not last because it lacks a support system,” she explains.
Whenever the subject of marriage comes up, does your partner express that they don't ever want to get married? Rice says you should take this seriously. “That sounds pretty basic, but you'd be surprised at the number of people who walk into my office surprised and upset that their partner, who started early on they never want to get married, hadn't changed their minds ‘even after all this time together’,” she warns. “If your partner says marriage isn't their gig, don't secretly fantasize that maybe you'll be the one to make them change. Respect their choice and determine if that's something you're OK with, and then here's the hard part: Mean it.”
While it may be really hard to accept that having a great relationship doesn't guarantee that you will take the next big step together, knowing what kind of relationship will stand the test of time can help you find the right long-term partner. But what exactly is that? Schweyer concludes that it's about finding someone you don’t just have a good time with, but someone you can weather the hard times alongside, too. “The kind of relationship that is destined for marriage is [one] where you can find the balance between greatness and powerlessness," she says. "Even if the relationship was great, if it can’t live up to the promise of ‘for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health,’ then it can never be destined for marriage.”
You deserve a partner who is going to be your best friend when things are good and who you can count on to have your back when they get tough. Don’t settle for less.
