5 Ways To Find Closure After A Breakup, So You Can Leave The Past Behind
Moving on from a relationship can be one of the hardest things to do. Even after you and your partner officially decide to part ways, truly cutting the cord isn't something that can be done overnight — it's a process. Typically, the longer you were with someone and the more you were invested, the harder it can be to come to terms with the fact that things didn't work out. The most effective ways to find closure after a breakup often involve a commitment that can be hard to muster if, deep down, you're hoping that there's still a possibility of things working out between you and your ex. And while none of us know what the future may hold, clinging to this hope without taking action is like putting yourself in limbo, and that's time that could be much better spent on healing.
If you have fully come to terms with your breakup, but can't seem to honestly let go, it might be smart to take steps to healthily transition into single-dom. It's totally normal for a breakup to feel like the end of the world, but the truth is that it isn't. Here are five things that will significantly help you move on after a breakup
1. Delete Them On All Social Media Platforms
IMHO, deleting an ex off of social media really is incredibly difficult. On Instagram, if their account isn't set to private and the temptation strikes to snoop, there's very little standing in your way. But the thing is, social media creates the illusion of closeness. When it comes to friends and family, this can be a great way to feel included in someone's life, even if you live on the other side of the country. But when it comes to exes, having constant access to their virtual life can be an emotional crutch that hinders your ability to fully separate. Not to mention it's addicting. Seriously, I know people who regularly stalk exes they haven't spoken to in years.
2. Delete Their Number
If you're serious about cutting the cord for good, then there really is no reason to keep an ex's number. And while I'm totally guilty of keeping old numbers myself, because something about deleting them just feels way too final to me, the truth is that finality can be a good thing. It seals off the strings connecting you and your ex. And when the next amazing person comes into your life, you'll hopefully be healed up and ready to start something new. And on a more trivial note, there's something unbelievably satisfying about getting a drunk text from your ex and genuinely being able to message back, "Sorry, who is this?"
3. Accept That You Aren't Right For Each Other
A lot can happen between two people over the course of a relationship that can both fuel and destroy a bond. In a culture that's obsessed with the concept of finding "the one," it can be hard to let go of a future with an ex who you thought you'd end up with forever.
But the truth is that no matter how much history you have with someone, if you can't have a happy, healthy relationship with them in the now, then they probably aren't "the one" for you.
It may have felt like you were right for each other when you got together — and maybe you were — but people change and sometimes that means that person is no longer a good fit.
But if the thought of finding someone new is ovewhelming, dating coach and relationship expert Damona Hoffman told Elite Daily that it's all about how you frame the situation.
"There are many possible compatible partners out there," Hoffman said. "I find that it's far less daunting to consider that you're not looking for a needle in a haystack. It's more like you're looking for a cute outfit on the clothing rack. You have to try on a few options, but if you want to take something home, you will find a good fit if you just spend a little time figuring out what works"
4. Say Everything You Need To Say
Some people might not agree with this, but I think that part of the healing process is putting everything out there. And I mean everything, because by keeping stuff inside, you run the risk of holding on to that negativity, even after you've long been separated. After a particularly traumatizing breakup, I wrote a scathing letter to the guy that broke my heart. And even though I never ended up sending it, something about letting my feelings out fully and completely uncensored was what finally helped me let go. If you think you can say everything you need to say in person, then this probably isn't the best choice. But if talking in person isn't an option, than a Facebook message, or a letter that you never intend on sending will do.
5. Start Dating Other People As Soon As You Feel Ready
While I'm not advocating for a rebound relationship per se, sometimes hooking up with someone else can really drive home that you're done with your ex. And while there's no need to rush, as long as you're upfront with the people you're seeing about what you are (or are not) looking for, diving into single life after spending a while getting reacquainted with yourself can be a great way to meet new people and keep busy. The longer you avoid dating again, the harder it can be to finally take that step. If it's been a while but you're still not sure if you're ready, just remember that how you're feeling is key.
“If you feel yourself needing a partner to fill that void you miss, then you are not ready," expert and matchmaker Nora DeKeyser of Three Day Rule, told Elite Daily. "If you feel yourself self-sufficient, happy, emotionally aware, and excited for the unknown to come, you are ready."
No one says that getting over a breakup is easy, seeing as it feels pretty terrible most of the time. But if moving on is something that you're ready to do, ASAP, then severing the ties to the fullest extent can definitely speed up the process.
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