When you’re single, how is your sex life? Is it awesome and fulfilling, or do you feel like you have to flip the switch and turn it off until you are in another relationship? If it’s the latter, it may be time to brush up on ways to embrace your sexuality when you’re single, because just because you aren’t in a couple doesn’t mean you don't have needs. Besides, in some ways, now is actually the best time to explore your sexuality and fall in love with yourself — so that when and if you do find yourself cuffed up again, you’ll know exactly what you want, and that is so empowering.
If you have any doubts about whether it’s OK or appropriate to embrace your sexuality when you’re not in a relationship, Caleb Backe, a health and wellness expert for Maple Holistics tells Elite Daily it’s time to brush those concerns aside. “Sexuality and relationships aren't mutually exclusive,” he stresses. In fact, he says exploring your sexuality and learning about your body when you're unattached is the first step in sex positivity. “Learning about yourself and how you react to different sensations is an integral part of developing a healthy sexual identity,” he adds. That sounds pretty good to me. Here’s how the experts say to do it.
The first — and, for some folks, most challenging — step is to embrace and fall in love with your body exactly how it is right now. “We should learn to love, desire, and appreciate ourselves for who we are,” Dr. William Kolbe, author of The Rejuvenating Power of Masturbation, tells Elite Daily. Your body is not a “work in progress,” it’s not a problem, and it’s not a mistake. Your body is beautiful. But saying that and knowing it is a process — one that is worth the effort. “I find that contemplating ourselves in front of a mirror, dressed or nude, provides the opportunity to embrace ourselves emotionally,” advises Dr. Kolbe.
One very, ahem, effective way to embrace your sexuality is to embrace yourself, literally. I'm talking about masturbation! “Allow your solo sex sessions to be opportunities to love yourself, to affirm your uniqueness, to explore and stimulate your erogenous zones, to enjoy the salubrious benefits flowing throughout your body, to feel the sexual energy and 'feel good hormones' elevating your body and mind in a rhapsody of sensual pleasure, pleasure that is [yours] to claim,” Dr. Kolbe says.
Not only does this feel great, but it’s also an opportunity for some real self-care and self-discovery. “Find time to self-pleasure,” online dating coach Andi Forness tells Elite Daily. “Make it a practice to allow yourself time to get to know your body, do research on things that excite you and make it part of your self-care routine.”
If you want to really embrace your sexuality, Backe says experimentation is the key. “Exploring your own body and learning about your turn-ons and turn-offs is the first step in embracing your sexuality,” he explains. “Therefore, it's wise to build a collection of sex toys to discover your sexual identity. I recommend gathering a diverse set of toys, including clitoral stimulators, vibrators, and anal plugs.” On your own, it may be easier to really push all the taboos aside and find out what you really want. Talk about empowering!
Another form of self love is really just allowing yourself the room to do real self care. Focus on things that make you feel good and sexy and powerful. “Set aside time to engage in self-love which leads to healthy sexuality,” Kelley Kitley, a licensed clinical social worker and author of My Self: An Autobiography of Survival, tells Elite Daily. She suggests simple things. “Taking baths, lathering your body in lotion, gentle touch, [or putting] on undergarments that help you feel sexy,” are all great according to Kitley.
Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you have to be exploring yourself solo. “Let yourself have safe sex,” Forness says. “You should have sex because you want to have sex.” Part of embracing your sexuality is simply recognizing that you have needs and addressing them how you best see fit. As Forness says, “Empowerment is sleeping with someone because you want to.”
Ultimately, embracing your single sexuality is just about centering your needs, loving yourself, and giving yourself permission to be your true and fully realized sexual self. Or, as Dr. Kolbe concludes: “Our sexuality is an integral part of our identity and well-being and should never be approached with shame.” And that's the truth.
