Never underestimate the power of a good wallow, especially right after someone breaks your heart. Fresh off a breakup, it's normal to need some time to be all the way in your feelings and sit in the sadness. The key, though, is to not stay stuck in this phase forever, and to proactively start taking steps to heal your heart. Sometimes, that healing can just happen naturally and with time, but if you're looking for some tips for getting over someone to help kickstart the healing process, look no further.
Everyone gets over a broken heart at their own rate, but Trina Leckie, breakup coach and host of the Breakup BOOST podcast, tells Elite Daily you should typically start feeling a little bit better in about a month, to a few months, depending on the length of your relationship. "[If it's been] over 90 days, [it’s] probably a good indication that you're not taking appropriate measures to heal and move forward," Leckie says. But that's much easier said than done. While you can't just tell yourself you're over the pain and expect it to simply disappear, there are some things you can do to start putting your heartache in the rearview mirror when you feel like you're stuck in heartbreak limbo. Here's what the experts suggest.
1. Go Full No-Contact.
If you're having trouble getting over the hurt of a breakup, a no-contact policy toward your ex is key to moving on, says Leckie. She adds that no-contact extends to social media, in addition to IRL, phone, and text conversations. “If you are always in contact or connected on social media, they will always be top-of-mind, making it near impossible to heal if you are really struggling,” she explains.
2. Focus On Building Up Your Self-Confidence.
Instead of spending all your energy on mourning over what you’ve lost, pour it into celebrating what you have: you. That may seem difficult in the wake of a breakup, but Leckie says building your self-confidence is a great antidote to heartbreak. “When people have low confidence, they settle for less than they deserve and struggle a lot more when it comes to moving on from their ex. Looking good and feeling great will be motivating for you and make you feel more positive about life in general,” she explains. Start a new hobby, like a workout program or a cooking class, spend time with friends, and remember: You're amazing, and you deserve to be happy.
3. Actively Decide It’s Time To Start Moving On.
One of the best ways to kickstart your healing is to decide, consciously, that it’s time to move on, as Cherlyn Chong, a dating and breakup recovery coach for professional women, tells Elite Daily. “People who have clear goals have been proven to be more successful in life, and this is no different,” she explains. “You don’t need to wonder how you will get over the ex, you just determine that you will, and you figure out a way to get there. That way, success is already on your mind.”
It can be easy to neglect your body when you're caught up in your feelings. Chong says proper hydration, in particular, can have a huge impact on your emotional well being. “You will likely experience a whole range of physiological responses, like increased heart rate, headaches, and nausea right after a breakup. You’ll probably also be dehydrated from too much crying,” she explains. “Drinking an extra glass of water can help reduce cortisol [the primary stress hormone] levels and the physiological symptoms, keeping you functioning at your best during these trying times,” Chong says.
5. Do Something That Makes You Happy.
When you’re dealing with a broken heart, it can be really helpful to put the pain on pause for a moment by doing something you enjoy, as Elle Huerta, breakup expert and founder of the breakup app Mend, previously told Elite Daily. Distractions, even for short periods, can be beneficial. “Sometimes you need to take a break from thinking about the breakup," says Huerta. "It's helpful to force yourself to go to the movies or attend an event that will take up a lot of your attention." Keeping busy can also help you remember how you felt before the breakup, and what you'll feel like once you’ve gotten through the healing process.
Ultimately, it's good to remember that while you're hurting now, this won’t always be the case, says Chong. “You might feel like it's never going to get better, but I promise, it will. Determine that you'll get there, bit by bit, day by day, and you will,” she concludes. Hang in there, because even though getting over someone who broke your heart can be incredibly hard, you’re stronger than you think. You’ve got this.
Trina Leckie, breakup coach and host of the Breakup BOOST podcast
Cherlyn Chong, a dating and breakup recovery coach for professional