Sometimes, first dates can be equal parts stressful and exhilarating. It can be easy to keep your cool going into it, but if you end up coming face to face with the bae of your dreams, your mind might very well start racing with anticipation about how soon is too soon to move in together. But obviously, before low-key planning your future together, it's important to make sure your date isn't displaying any signs they're not interested. Being observant of their behavior and keeping your expectations in check are the best ways to ensure you don't end up disappointed in the end.
The truth of the matter is, aside from being a total jerk, there aren't many things you can consciously do on a first date to make the other person uninterested. We're all different, so of course, different things will make us tick. That's why there really is no reason to stress about how your date will perceive you. The more relaxed you are, the more likely your date is going to be able to see you at your best. But sometimes, things just aren't meant to be, and that's OK. You'll go on more dates, and eventually, you'll find someone who is very clearly as into you as you are into them. But in the meantime, here are some easy-to-spot signs that your date isn't interested, so you can move on to find someone who is.
1. They Aren't Giving You Their Full Attention
If, at any point during a first date, it feels like the person you're with isn't listening, this is definitely a red flag. Although it's totally normal for someone to feel nervous, which could give off distracted vibes, if they don't seem engaged in the conversation or aren't asking you open-ended questions, then this could be a sign that they just aren't feeling it. The same goes for if they're constantly on their phone the whole night. Unless they're looking up directions or movie times, or there's an emergency, there's pretty much no reason someone should be texting or on social media instead of enjoying your company.
2. They Aren't Making Eye Contact
Observing body language is an important part of decoding a first date. Considering it takes roughly 100 milliseconds of looking at someone to tell if we want to bang them or not, according to a study, a copulatory gaze (aka the "come hither" look) is a key part of signaling attraction, according to Psychology Today. Someone who isn't interested will likely be avoiding prolonged eye contact with you, either consciously or subconsciously, because they may not be feeling the attraction.
3. They Don't Make Physical Contact With You
This one can be a tricky to decode, and on its own, it may not mean that a date isn't interested, as nerves can sometimes get in the way of making even a super subtle physical move.
Although a date shouldn't be getting too hands-y on the very first meet up, finding reasons to touch you in a non-creepy way — i.e. a hand on the small of your back when guiding you through a crowd, a touch on your knee when laughing at a funny joke, and, if the mood is right, going in for a lip lock at the end of a date — are signs that your date is definitely into you.
4. They Say They Aren't Looking For A Relationship
This one is particularly true if they initially led you to believe that they were indeed open to a relationship. Beware, if someone ever tells you directly that they aren't looking for a relationship, believe them. Even if they seem flirtatious, that might mean they're only interested in one thing, if you know what I mean. If you're not interested in the idea of a one-night stand or casual fling, then it may be a good idea to be direct and let them know.
5. The Date Seems Rushed Or Ends Early
If, for some reason, your date doesn't seem to be in the moment or comes up with an excuse to leave at a time that feels awkward, this is pretty much a surefire sign that they aren't interested. Of course, emergencies come up, but if something seems off about their excuse, and they don't make concrete plans to reschedule, they probably aren't interested in date number two. Even though it might feel hurtful in the moment, the good news is they wasted as little of your time as possible.
I'm not gonna sugar coat it: Realizing that a date isn't into you can definitely leave you feeling a bit dejected. In the long run, however, it's so much better to find out sooner than to be strung along by someone who isn't interested, but is willing to breadcrumb you so they can hit you up when one of their other dates flakes.
Never be afraid to be honest about the type of relationship you want, and don't give away your power! If they aren't interested, then remember, that's their loss.
Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.
Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!