I've been told before that I'm "intimidating." What this means exactly, I'm not really sure, because internally, I feel like the biggest dork in the world. But there have been times I've been super into a guy and wondered why he's never pursued me — only to find out he was too shy to make a move. This made me wonder, how can you tell if a guy is scared to ask you out, but he really wants to?
Listen, I do enjoy being sought after. But I wouldn't mind doing a bit of the asking out sometime, as long as I was sure the person in question actually liked me back. I'm not trying to set myself up for failure and heartbreak here. And sometimes, it can be hard to tell if someone is actually interested in me in that way, or if they just want to be my friend. What I need to know is this: How can I tell when someone likes me, especially if they're too scared to say it? Anyone? Help? Please?
I asked Lori Salkin, senior matchmaker and dating coach at SawYouatSinai.com, and dating expert Jen Kirsch about the signs a guy is too scared to tell you he likes you... so you can just ask him out instead!
1. He Checks In On You And References Jokes You Two Have
Sometimes, your crush might truly like you, but they're waiting for the right timing, so they do other little caring things to show you they like you.
"If he’s referencing inside jokes with you and checking in on you, he’s likely just waiting it out, hoping for an eventual go-ahead from you," says Kirsch. "A guy like this is a keeper. I say ask him out and act fast before someone else finds him while he’s waiting on you."
2. He Always Finds A Way To Talk To You
If your crush is going out of their way to try to talk to you, then yeah, they are probably interested — even if they're not asking you out just yet.
"If he’s texting you all the time, for no reason whatsoever," then Kirsch says he probably likes you. She continues, "People who constantly reach out and make nonsensical convo or send links, quotes, or emojis are solely messaging you so that you can keep them top of mind. This is a sign that he’s definitely interested."
So check your text history with your love interest. Are there a lot of memes? Then, yeah, your feelings are probably mutual.
"Whether he gets info from social media stalking or by asking mutual contacts, suddenly, he's mentioning last night's episode of your favorite show, suggesting he might get tickets to that concert you've been dying to go to, or needs information about a vacation spot you just happened to come back from," Salkin adds. "He's definitely interested in striking up conversation with you as often as he can."
3. He Finds Ways To Spend Time With You
If someone is trying to find little ways to spend time with you, even if they don't have the courage to explicitly say it's romantic, then they probably have a crush on you.
"When he starts regularly asking when you're taking a coffee break and volunteers that that's when he is, too, and he joins you, or he happens to also be there ... it's not likely just a coincidence," says Salkin.
So essentially, if your crush is lightly stalking you and seems to be popping up everywhere you are around town, you're in luck! As long as you like them back, at least.
4. He Suddenly Becomes Friends With Your Close Friends
If they start to infiltrate your inner circle, it's probably because they low-key want to infiltrate you (catch my drift?). OK, maybe not to that extent just yet, but still.
"If he wins your friends' approval and starts popping up at the dinners, happy hours, and basically any event that your circle of friends is doing, it's likely that he is trying to get to know you better and fit into your world," says Salkin.
Perhaps this person doesn't have the courage to ask you out one-on-one, so they become BFF with your buddies instead.
5. He's There For You
If someone is willing to be there for you emotionally, then they probably have feelings for you that run below the surface.
"When he asks you if you need something when you seem sad or stressed, and offers an ear to listen or shoulder to cry on, he's not just the most empathetic human being; he has a true interest in you," Salkin explains.
If you find that someone you're interested in is taking time out of their day to help you figure out your problems, it's probably because they want to show you how deeply they care about you. If this is how they behave in a friendship, they'd probably be pretty good in a relationship, too.
But how do you move past the friend-zone once you know your crush likes you? Relationship and etiquette expert April Masini offers some advice on how to ask these shy types out.
First, she says you can just ask them to ask you out, period. "The reality is that men love feeling like they’ve won you over, and if he does the asking — even if you’ve rolled out the red carpet for him to do so — it’s better for him (and for both of you) if he feels great about having asked and you having accepted," says Masini. So basically, you can plant the seed in their head, and see what happens.
Or you can always ask for your crush's help. Tell them you need some assistance at home with something you can't do yourself (like assembling IKEA furniture or something), and then, Masini suggests, "have coffee or a bottle of wine with snacks ready for an impromptu visit after the chore... and let him take it from there." Essentially, ambush your crush with a date. I like this idea.
So if you think your crush might like you back, but you're not sure, just ask them out anyway. Life is short, and what do you have to lose? Plus, Kirsch summarizes, "Let's face it, ladies: You don’t get if you don’t ask. There’s nothing worse than finding out years after the fact that the guy you were crushing on was crushing right back on you at the same time."
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