The only thing that sucks more than having a fight with your partner is having your argument spill over to text message. You need to treat the serious texts you send your partner like you're setting a meeting or a dentist appointment. This isn't an idle conversation that can happen when it's convenient. You do need to apply some pressure so your partner knows that you take the conflict — and finding a resolution — seriously. At the same time, you need to be loose enough with your messaging so that neither of you feel like it's a conversation you need to address right away.
The reason getting a "we need to talk" text sucks so much is that it immediately sends your imagination spiraling down a one-way street that leads directly to a breakup. Addressing a conflict is important because it allows you both to establish boundaries within a relationship, but you don't want your partner to think that you're going to dump them every time you have a minor disagreement.
Finding new language to express that you and your partner need to have a conversation, without sending a "we need to talk" text, will frame the interaction positively, so you both enter the dialogue feeling like you will get what you need. Here are some suggestions for how to achieve that.
1. Keep It Open
If your partner knows that you are upset with them, or if they are also upset with you, then this text message is marginally better than the dreaded "we need to talk" text because it sets aside time to address the issue without making it seem like you're going to dump them. It's to the point, and yet, it's terse, because you're still mad, and you're totally in your right to be.
2. Include Terms Of Endearment
If you're really furious at your partner, it might seem counterintuitive to sound so sweet over text message, only to lay it into them when you actually meet up. But sometimes, establishing the groundwork for the conflict makes it clear that your argument is a knot that the both of you need to untangle in order to move forward properly healed.
3. Rephrase Your Message
"Clearing the air" sounds so much better than "we need to talk," doesn't it? If you really laid into your partner, and they need a lot of breathing room before seeing you again, then this text message gives them that space while still being assertive about finding a resolution. You can be mad and still care about your partner's feelings.
4. Be Humorous
Nothing breaks the ice quite like making somebody laugh, and you can do it even if you're mad. Even though it injects a bit of humor into the situation, this text still gets straight to the point, without creating much room for continuing the conflict over text.
5. Or Simply Be Less Vague
The reason why getting a "we need to talk" text is so dreaded is because you literally have no idea how the person on the other end is feeling or what they are going to say when you do meet up. It's not knowing that creates the most anxiety in any situation, and that's why clearly communicating how you are feeling and where you see it going is so important. You don't need to gloss over your feelings in order to meet up with someone and resolve a conflict, and just because you're angry at someone, doesn't mean that you want to throw your whole relationship away. You know that, but when you text your partner, make sure they do, too — even if you do need to also let them know that you're still mad.
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